Friday, September 19, 2014


Michele Happe MA Certified Health Coach
September 19, 2014

I was a late bloomer.  Menopause started for me at 60.  It was a long hard slog up to that point.  The final stages were very difficult with excessive bleeding and feeling exhausted most of the time.  It was also a time when my weight ballooned totally on it own accord as I was very disciplined about my food.  So I was exhausted as well as very self critical about the heft that I was trying to carry around.  I was always the nurturing type to the point of being codependent in all of my affairs.  Thankfully I had begun working on my codependency issues in my thirties.  I am convinced that estrogen played a role in my codependency.  

Then my huge periods just suddenly stopped!  I was left with the excess weight, joint pain, and meno brain(which means that I would walk thru a doorway and be clueless on the other side what I was walking toward).  It became hard to pull up common nouns and names.  It took about two years for meno to stabilize and for me to begin to adjust to the changes.  Then last year I took on my weigh after my dear obese sister died suddenly from a heart attack.  Now the weight is off and my joints are normally 64 year old stiff which I can accept.  I still have the brain glitches but I have adjusted and realize my IQ is still intact.  I could not have done this during that two year transition because it took all the energy I had to adjust to the emotional changes I was finding myself going through.  

I like to use a phrase to define how menopause effects us emotionally.  In a nut shell it is, “make your own eff’n dinner!”  As my estrogen depleted I started noticing that I did not really care as much about what others were going through.  I experienced a kind of detachment that all the years of CODA had tried to teach me.  In a flash I was able to still be loving without all the anxiety of the sense that I needed to fix this somehow.  All of my Buddhist philosophy kicked into place.  At first I thought I might be turning into a sociopath or something.  Now I realize I just live with more equanimity.  It is easier to ask myself what is best for me in this situation without feeling guilty or selfish.  

I have come to believe that estrogen is a very bad drug.  ;).  I know it is necessary to put up with all the rigors of motherhood and wifehood.  But now it is so good to be off of it.  I can focus on my work and my creative endeavors without a bit of guilt.  My husband is learning to adjust to this “new me”.  But he is actually getting it and benefitting accordingly.  He is more free to do whatever he wants to in his free time because I have become so freewheeling and independent.  I don’t have a sex drive but really enjoy sex when he can talk me into it.  Our intimacy has improved because in order to want to, we need to be in a really good place together so we both work harder on our relationship.  

So all in all menopause is a WIN WIN.  Look forward to it and remember to work on your codependency issues in perimenopause so you will have a more seamless transition…until then

Be Well!

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