Robin is on the Autism spectrum as AUDHD, both high functioning Autistic and ADHD. He (pronoun given with permission) is a very bright talented software engineer in his mid 20's. One of his gifts is musical talent. He is an introvert who pushes himself too hard and neglects his need for solitude. He works a full time job and is in numerous bands. Robin is an example of someone who is more susceptible to trauma as a result of his Autism. We Autistics tend to be highly sensitive. Many of us are fluid in our gender and our sexuality. Robin's main difficulty is he uses masking as a coping mechanism to his own detriment. Most people on the Autism spectrum get traumatized by bullying, parental disproval, or shaming as a result of social awkwardness, gender fluidity, and or a general feeling of not fitting in with the neurotypical world. The comorbities of Autism can be many such as, depression, anxiety, psychosis, overwhelm, eating disorders and other addictions.
Robin's childhood is not the worse I have seen but it certainly wasn't easy. His mother is a christian nationalist and very manipulative. She often "attacked from the victim" position and targeted Robin, one of her two children. Since he was very young she was cruel to him, blaming him for all of her problems. Robins parents were divorced when he was 9 and she turned to alcohol which would make her even more histrionic and chaotic. Her two children took on the responsibility of trying to keep her on an even keel. This is how Robin became codependent.
Robin's father is an intelligent, kind man who was also codependent to his wife while they were married. He was the model for Robin's codependency while remaining very loving to his children. As Robin entered his teen years he coped by becoming rebellious, angry and destructive. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds which did not work for him at all which is typical of AUDHD. He came out as trans to both parents in his teens and while his father accepted him his mother was furious and shaming of him. He had a series of unhealthy painful relationships as a teen and took in all that hurt and confusion. He began to spend more and more time with his father as they had had a two week on two week off custody arrangement and eventually stayed with dad full time.
With all of the abuse that Robin received from his mother, he still to this day remains loyal to her because ''she is his mother". She has never visited him in the state he now lives in but he feels guilty for not wanting to visit her in her state. He is torn between loving her and hating her. This is difficult for us on the spectrum to process because those emotions don't fit nicely in a logical pattern. Robin adores his father but really dislikes his stepmother. He is ambivalent towards his mother but calls his macho step father a jerk and an idiot.
Today Robin is dealing with a number if issues. He has addiction to cigarettes, drugs, and to a lesser degree with food. He has had suicidal ideation but never attempted. He is a love addict who continues to be hurt in intimate relationships. He hates his job but feels tied to his very generous salary. He loves his music but is exhausted by all the road trips and practices. He feels abandoned by his friends because they are all typical 20 somethings and he is smarter, kinder, and more emotional and sensitive than his guy friends. We have been focusing on self care, limiting masking, self compassion and setting boundaries with others. He is working on his tendency to avoid conflict with others as a form of masking. (If you are curios about Autism I have a number of entries that deal with the subject as I am on the spectrum myself)
Robin is a very beautiful person inside and out. He is dedicated to his work which consists of me both teaching him about self compassion while using myself as an example and modeling a compassionate mother role with him. He is now taking the time for solitude so he can refuel. We have begun to talk about him being his own inner parent and he is making progress while dealing with all the emotions that he has lifelong been attempting to mask or turn into rebelliousness. He is a pleasure to work with and I have high hopes for him as he is beginning his work at such a young age.
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