TRAUMA PART 8..ROBIN...ITS NOT OK TO BE ME...

Robin is on the Autism spectrum as AUDHD, both high functioning Autistic and ADHD. He (pronoun given with permission) is a very bright talented software engineer in his mid 20's.  One of his gifts is musical talent.  He is an introvert who pushes himself too hard and neglects his need for solitude. He works a full time job and is in numerous bands.  Robin is an example of someone who is more susceptible to trauma as a result of his Autism.  We Autistics tend to be highly sensitive.  Many of us are fluid in our gender and our sexuality.  Robin's main difficulty is he uses masking as a coping mechanism to his own detriment. Most people on the Autism spectrum get traumatized by bullying, parental disproval, or shaming as a result of social awkwardness, gender fluidity, and or a general feeling of not fitting in with the neurotypical world.  The comorbities of Autism can be many such as, depression, anxiety, psychosis, overwhelm, eating disorders and other addictions.

Robin's childhood is not the worse I have seen but it certainly wasn't easy.  His mother is a christian nationalist and very manipulative.  She often "attacked from the victim" position and targeted Robin, one of her two children.  Since he was very young she was cruel to him, blaming him for all of her problems. Robins parents were divorced when he was 9 and she turned to alcohol which would make her even more histrionic and chaotic.  Her two children took on the responsibility of trying to keep her on an even keel.  This is how Robin became codependent.  

Robin's father is an intelligent, kind man who was also codependent to his wife while they were married.  He was the model for Robin's codependency while remaining very loving to his children.  As Robin entered his teen years he coped by becoming rebellious, angry and destructive.  He had been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds which did not work for him at all which is typical of AUDHD.  He came out as trans to both parents in his teens and while his father accepted him his mother was furious and shaming of him.  He had a series of unhealthy painful relationships as a teen and took in all that hurt and confusion. He began to spend more and more time with his father as they had had a two week on two week off custody arrangement and eventually stayed with dad full time.   

With all of the abuse that Robin received from his mother, he still to this day remains loyal to her because ''she is his mother".  She has never visited him in the state he now lives in but he feels guilty for not wanting to visit her in her state.  He is torn between loving her and hating her.  This is difficult for us on the spectrum to process because those emotions don't fit nicely in a logical pattern.  Robin adores his father but really dislikes his stepmother.  He is ambivalent towards his mother but calls his macho step father a jerk and an idiot. 

Today Robin is dealing with a number if issues.  He has addiction to cigarettes, drugs, and to a lesser degree with food.  He has had suicidal ideation but never attempted.  He is a love addict who continues to be hurt in intimate relationships.  He hates his job but feels tied to his very generous salary.  He loves his music but is exhausted by all the road trips and practices.  He feels abandoned by his friends because they are all typical 20 somethings and he is smarter, kinder, and more emotional and sensitive than his guy friends.  We have been focusing on self care, limiting masking, self compassion and setting boundaries with others.  He is working on his tendency to avoid conflict with others as a form of masking.  (If you are curios about Autism I have a number of entries that deal with the subject as I am on the spectrum myself)

Robin is a very beautiful person inside and out.  He is dedicated to his work which consists of me both teaching him about self compassion while using myself as an example and modeling a compassionate mother role with him.  He is now taking the time for solitude so he can refuel.  We have begun to talk about him being his own inner parent and he is making progress while dealing with all the emotions that he has lifelong been attempting to mask or turn into rebelliousness.  He is a pleasure to work with and I have high hopes for him as he is beginning his work at such a young age.     

PART 3 HELP AND HEALING COMES FROM BUDDHISM

I am listening to a book called Outshining Trauma.  Ralph De La Rosa speaks to me so deeply.  As a Buddhist practitioner I believe that the principles we learn and revere can not only heal trauma but can promote true happiness and even help with the attainment of unceasing wisdom and compassion.  

Compassion is the key.  One of my great pleasures in life is reading a list of people who are currently suffering.  Reading their names out loud make me feel love for myself as an opening of my heart and love for them as I think of them throughout the day.  

Trauma does not go away.  It ebbs and flows based on our experiences in life.  In order to heal from trauma I encourage and have achieved a relationship with it.  First we embrace whatever happened to us whether it was losing a home from a tornado(PTSD), COVID, or repeated abuse and neglect in our family culture(COMPLEX PTSD). We send love and compassion to ourselves as the person who is experiencing the trigger which is disregulating to the point that we can enter fight or flight behavior. 

 In the nineties inner child work was the rage.  It seemed hokey and I attended meetings where people were holding teddy bears or dolls representing their inner child.  I benefitted greatly by looking at a picture of my sad little self at 3 when the abuse started and deciding that I would be her protector.  This is how you develop self compassion.  It is amazing how many of my clients who are able to detach from their own traumatic experiences by rationalizing excuses for the one who targeted them but find it so hard to send love to the being who was so deeply affected by the abuser.  Being able to develop self compassion takes practice.  

Mindfulness and a searching and fearless inventory   

Primary tenants of Buddhism are to be authentic and true to who we are.  Once we have been traumatized much of our identity gets hidden due to shame, anger, guilt and we pretend or mask to seem well adjusted or just ok.  This makes getting reactivated from a trigger so much more possible.  I take many of my clients through an inventory that asks probing questions about childhood adolescence and adulthood.  It is pretty exhaustive.  Their answers culminate in developing patterns of character strengths as well as character flaws.  They come to know who they are, what their triggers are and the patterns that set them up for increased suffering.  This process activates authenticity.

Mindfulness is a teaching that asks us to be an observer of our own mind and to point out to ourselves where we are engaging in delusional thinking.  What is most important about mindfulness is to be able to send love and compassion to our delusional thinking which makes it possible to train our minds to the truth that we know in our hearts....that we have our own pure wisdom and compassion within us and that to be born human, past karma puts obstacles and obscurations in our way of this true nature of our own mind.  When we accept this we are then capable of transforming our own mind which sets the scene for true healing of trauma.  

A helpful tool is to embrace our hurt little child in the loving arms of your own inner parent.  This part of us exists to sooth our pain and open ourselves up to the truth who we are and that we deserve- compassion from self and others.  We develop a relationship with our trauma and love it back to health.  I tell my clients who bathe themselves in guilt and shame for what they have been through that if they keep that up Ill need to call child protective services on them because we don't treat children that way.  They usually get it instantly and we laugh together.  One of my clients who went through horrific trauma in childhood is stuck with an inner mantra which says, "it wasn't that bad".  When she is able to release the mantra and claim it to be delusional, her work will then be able to gain insight and the ability to truly heal.  

With practice we get better at mindfulness and authenticity and we come to ask ourselves important questions like "am I unnecessarily beating up myself internally" and "could I be taking better care of myself by setting boundaries with others and myself with compassion?"  "Am I in a relationship that is a trauma bond". Just being able to ask this question of ourselves is the path to great awareness and gradually the ability to structure our lives that enable us to be happy and productive rather than trying to fit into a norm by masking and pretending that we are "OK" which only makes our suffering worse.  We are OK only when we are able be our true self.  This is why as a coach I am very much an open book and am happy to share the path that got me here and the mistakes I make every day.  It is important to embrace imperfection as a being in the human realm.  It is part of the deal.  We embrace this with love but don't make it a justification for our less than enlightened  behavior. And we press on and practice and grow by increments.  

Support for this process is essential, whether it is with a therapist, coach, support group or fellow survivor who is on the healing path.  We cannot do this alone.  Our trauma is a part of our history.  With mindful awareness when we get reactivated by a present experience and can name it as a trigger and then re regulate through meditation, a phone call to a friend, a call to our coach, a call to our own inner loving parent or even a YouTube video that is soothing and we are right back in healing mode. In this sense we are developing a healthy relationship to our own trauma.  We embrace the fact that all emotions are fleeting, impermanent and will pass.  We are now in this moment to be happy and productive humans.  We are enabled to be IN the present moment which hold the full potential  for health happiness and the ability to pass on our healing to others who suffer.  

In the next part I will talking more about health.  For now:

Much love and be well,

Michele Happe MA mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507

Search for my Metabolic Mind Page and  my Psychology Today page

Comments are welcomed 

TRAUMA PART 2.....THE SUSCEPTIBLE

Trauma yields different reactions based on who receives it.  I had a client years ago who was nightly molested by her step father who suffered greatly with food issues, anxiety, and depression.  She was activated and disregulated perpetually.  She walked through life like a deer in the headlights.  Her step sister on the other hand was approached by the step father and she fought him and told him to "get the fuck out of her room"!.  She had no trauma reaction. He never approached her again.   She was a tough cookie and her sister was introverted and very sensitive.

So now a little about me.  I am a trauma survivor.  It started with my dad who was sexually inappropriate with me since I was 3.  His behavior was mostly covert.  I remember being in fear and loathing around him and literally clung to my mother.  When I was old enough to spend the night at a friends, I would always end up needing to call my mom because of extreme stomach upset.  In college I started having panic attacks and anxiety all the time.  I was a chubby kid and began lots of crazy dieting starting with diet pills....with my dad.  He always said we were cut from the same cloth.  I didn't realize how profound that statement was until my 60's when I realized I was on the autism spectrum.  At that time I realized he was too.  He was a brilliant materials engineer and accomplished trumpet player with many hobbies and special interests.  As I was saying before, when college started I became anorexic and self harming.  I lived with suicidal ideation which haunted me and terrified my boyfriend at the time who would hold my passenger door closed while driving when I threatened to jump out of our VW Bus. 

Through all of this trauma reaction I was a great student and found solace by going to school, learning and studying.  It was the greatest distraction.  While I was a student there I became a geology tutor where I got my thirst for teaching.  The lab was the place where I felt most comfortable. I was a very good geek!! I had my Masters in Psychology at 23 and got a gig student teaching at my own community college in my home town.   I taught at that community college for a few years and when the bottom dropped out in education in the 70's I started my own business in advertising, representing commercial artists.  I had realized I preferred self employment even though I know that job wasn't for me.  After being a drug and alcohol counselor intern I got hired as a director of an eating disorder unit at a mental hospital.  I loved the job of supervising counselors and doing educational outreach but I hated working in that environment.  I felt the place was a "snake pit". My anxiety blossomed and I walked off that job, applied for disability and got on Prozac which I called "club med".  That was when I started a private practice in the early 90's and where I continue to work with clients as a life style and recovery coach until the present.  Oh and by the way I got sober, dealt with my eating disorders, codependency and got into therapy.  No one ever diagnosed my Level 1 autism until I diagnosed myself in my 60's. 

My own case history reveals how trauma affects the susceptible.  My autism was my susceptibility and my gift.  Level 1 Autism is a remarkable tribe.  We are often introverted, highly sensitive, easily hurt and disregulated, highly intelligent and talented in many areas where we have special interests. Mine are currently digital painting and learning everything I can about metabolism and therapeutic ketosis.  My work is my social life.  This is true for many of us on the spectrum.  But not everyone with deep sensitivities are on the spectrum.  Some of us are just born with the tendency for fear and anxiety, and are more likely to be damaged by trauma.  Men and women might react differently, but both can fall victimized by trauma.  

The reason I suspect trauma damage is when I see the symptoms outlined in part 1.  Those symptoms are usually an attempt to deal with trauma damage.  In the language of autism, they are stimming attempts to help regulate the system whether it is throwing up a meal, cutting, or becoming a powerful politician who is dominated by the need for success, power and retribution.  The reactions to trauma are varied and complex, but treatment is generally the same.  I believe that we need to develop a compassionate relationship with our own trauma and learn helpful and healthy ways to re regulate ourselves when we are triggered into disregulation. 

In part 3 I will share more about treatment and share some case histories with you, so stay tuned.

Until then, be well

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507 

TRAUMA..Its effects and its manifestations part 1

Trauma doesn't go away, it morphs.  It can morph in both positive and negative ways.  Trauma affects different people in totally different ways.  Highly sensitive people are usually more profoundly affected than others but I will get into that later.  My way of helping people deal with trauma is to work on developing a relationship with it which can at first be very threatening and traumatic yielding tears or sometimes anger.  

A very common reaction to dealing with trauma without help and guidance is to attempt to bury it, hide it, lie about it, and overall try to forget about it.  What we know about these techniques is "what we resist persists". This is how trauma morphs into negative outcomes.  I'll list some of the ways these negative outcomes emerge.  Keep in mind that all of these outcomes are vain attempts to regulate oneself, but unfortunately only serve to disregualate in the end.  In other words, what originally "solves" the problem eventually becomes the problem.

Substance Abuse alcohol and drugs

Eating Disorders, anorexia, compulsive eating and purging of food.

Codependency, abandoning self in favor of others to our detriment.

Depression leading to isolation and a numbing effect

Anxiety causing further avoidance of triggers leading to isolation   

Narcissism seeing oneself as a victim and seeking retribution.

Sociopathy similar to Narcissim where retribution morphs into criminality by

    becoming an sexual abuser or rapist

    becoming a violent abuser

    becoming a murderer

    Borderline Personality Disorder where lack of a self base creates disregulated manipulating

        behavior which creates a come here go away dynamic.  

When I meet with a client we make a list of all the issues they are dealing with and want help with.  If I see any of the above I work with providing a safe and supportive environment where trust and therautic bonding can take place. Once I see that there is good rapport and respect I ask about trauma.  I think most of us experience trauma in our history.  Being trained in Drug and Alcohol Addiction and Eating Disorders very few clients are without any trauma.  When I account a client with anti social issues I help them define them which angers or irritates them causing them to quit working with me.  This is my intention because 1) I don't like to be conned and 2) counseling or coaching these types is generally not helpful to healing with is rare and usually only gives them better methods to con and hurt others who they generally see as objects and are only capable of transactional relationships. 

To be continued in. Part 2...The Susceptible

Be well

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507

If you suffer from addictions of any kind and want to recover

Then follow these steps

1). Clean up your nutrition by reducing carbs, first sugar then grains then starchy vegetables. Reduce your carbs to 20 grams net and eat only whole real food. Eat moderate protein and replace carbs with healthy fats like animal fats olive oil and coconut oil. 

2). Begin an exercise program like walking, weight training, swimming biking or playing sports at least 3 times per week. 

3). Get adequate sleep shooting for 8 hours based on your own biorhythms.  Whether you are a night owl or a lark accepting these rhythms will enhance your sleep experience. 

4) Attend support meetings of your choosing. If you don’t like groups find a recovery coach, counselor or therapist. If you are dealing with previous trauma, make sure you find someone who is experienced in dealing with this. 

This may feel like a very tall order but it is worth it to create a long and healthy life without addictions..

Live as clean a life as possible and you will not only reverse your addiction but will feel and function better than ever. These steps also reverse many mental health conditions and metabolic health conditions like obesity and diabetes.

Be well,

Michele

775 230-1507

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

 

My Metabolic Mind page 

Search for:  Michele Happe Metabolic Mind

              My Psychology today page: 

              Search for: Michele Happe Psychology Today

AUTISM AND FOOD

As a very late diagnosed autistic woman myself and an expert in eating disorders I have been cogitating on the relationship between food and self regulation in autistic people.  As background I ran one of the first eating disorders in the country and am myself recovering from anorexia and compulsive overeating.  Parenthetically I am also sober for 45 years.  I became a metabolic coach a few years after learning about therapeutic ketosis for my metabolic health.  To my delight all the symptoms of my eating disorder resolved particularly when I adopted a carnivore zero carb eating regimen.  I like regimens because I am autistic and it fits so well with the way my brain works.  

I recently began working with a brilliant autistic woman who was in deep trauma from a very unhappy marriage.  She wanted support for her mental health and, particularly from her bulimia which I prefer to call vomiting behavior.  In autism it all starts with food preferences.  It is well known that due to our hyper sensitive nervous systems we gravitate to certain foods.  I wasn’t particularly picky as a child although my favorite breakfast was graham crackers crunched up in a bowl with chocolate sauce and milk.  My mother let me eat this.  I was always  a very ritualistic eater for instance eating around the core of a carrot to savor the sweet inner core as my ritual finale.  Speaking of carrots in my adolescent anorexic years I ate so many carrots that my skin turned orange.  

Autistics are all about attempts at self regulation.  We constantly are looking for ways to self soothe especially if we are high masking individuals who are attempting to fit into the neurotypical ways of our peers.  We have many food aversions which restrict our consumption around texture and taste.  Most of these self regulatory attempts are referred to as stimming.  Most of our stimming behaviors are healthy and to be encouraged as they do help us to self regulate.  Some of them however are harmful.  Eating disorders and other forms of addiction, cutting, etc. can lead to shame and blossom into depression, anxiety, OCD which only cause more pain and the need to self regulate which can lead to a disastrous feedback loop of pain, suffering and more metabolic illnesses down the line such as diabetes, heart disease, IBS, and cancer to name a few.  

I teach all my clients who are suffering from metabolic disorders including depression and anxiety to get into therapeutic ketosis which will ultimately enable them to focus on the other issues which lead to health such as regular exercise, good sleep, and particularly for those with autism, to set up your life which reduces stress, such as avoiding small talk, parties, noisy environments and most importantly unhappy stressful relationships.  Most of my relationships are with my immediate family who I live with who are also introverted and don’t give me grief for preferring to be alone in my sweet little safe room.  I have a few outside friends who get me and love me for my quirky self.  The remaining relationships I have are with my clients and my Buddhist sangha because I love my work and Buddhism and we engage in anything but small talk. 

If what I am sharing here makes you wonder if you might be on the Autism Spectrum or on your way to or have a metabolic illness do your research.  Learn more about those issues which plague your equanimity and balance.  And if you are so inclined to get professional health give me a call or find someone who is well versed in Autism and metabolic health who can support and guide you into a more fulfilling happy life. 

Be well

Michele: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com, 775 230-1507, Blue Sky, and Linkedin 

TRAUMA AND METABOLIC DISORDERS....

 It is clear from current research and scientific studies that there is a direct relationship between metabolic disorders and nutrition...but there is more.  In this post I will be talking about trauma, especially consistent repetitive childhood trauma which clearly affects the mental health of the adult as well as the physical health.  

What metabolic disorders do we see affected by trauma? I'll provide you with a list.

        Obesity

        Chemical dependency and addiction

        Depression and anxiety

        Personality disorders such as Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Dependent, and Depersonalization

        Heart disease

        Type 2 diabetes

        Irritable bowel disease

        Chronic fatigue and other autoimmune diseases

and more.  

The energy in every cell in our body depends on the mitochondria in each cell.  This is the powerhouse of each cell.  When the mitochondria is damaged, the cell is weakened and becomes dysfunctional, resulting in all of the above listed diseases and disorders.  Chris Palmer MD, a psychiatrist is another one of my heroes.  He was surprised to find that when one of his schizophrenic patients who was morbidly obese asked for a way to lose the excess weight, the ketogenic diet he recommended not only precipitated weight loss, but also took aways his hallucinations and delusions.  This was a patient who always rejected the diagnosis of schizophrenia before ketone adaptation.  After his weight loss and resolution of his schizophrenic symptoms, he remarked to the Dr. "you know I think I was schizophrenic"!  Dr Palmer has written a book called Brain Energy which addresses brilliantly the importance of mitochondria in a most compassionate and passionate way.  

Poor nutrition, junk and over processed food and in many cases excess carbohydrates weakens mitochondria.  Environmental toxins like smoking, pollution, chemicals, alcohol, many drugs and pharmaceuticals also damage mitochondria.  And so does stress and trauma both emotional and physical.  It is no secret that trauma of any kind causes an immediate spike in blood sugar produced by the liver by a process called neoglucogenesis.  Prolonged stressors and trauma can contribute to hyperinsulinemia which causes insulin resistance, the precursor of all the above listed illnesses...and many more.  

Now about trauma.  I work with many clients who have endured unspeakable traumas.  What I usually see initially are metabolic disorders like obesity and addiction.  Once we do a rigorous history of family it becomes clear that without exception, trauma is the underlying comorbidity.  So this trauma must be dealt with.  The most common reaction to trauma is the effort to deny its existence or to push it away through aversion by saying,  "that is in the past and I shouldn't be affected by it anymore".....only compounding the deleterious effects of the original trauma especially in the case of complex post traumatic symptoms, meaning chronic repetitive traumas of childhood.  

Having suffered my own traumas of sexual molestation and corporal punishment as well as a sudden loss of my brother when I was 17,  I have done extensive work of my own, in this area.  I find that the most effective way to deal with trauma is to develop a relationship with it because it never really goes away.  It rears its head after triggers are activated and learning self soothing and compassion as well as acceptance of the prolonged effects of the trauma are crucial.  This relationship minimizes the stress caused by the PTSD and CPTSD, mollifying the negative influence on our mitochondria.  

We must remember always that the brain is a part of the body and both work together in both health and ill health.  They cannot be separated.  Watch Dr. Palmer explain:

So if you have experienced trauma or if you have chronic metabolic illness it is important to get help through nutritional guidance as well as stress reduction and trauma work.  If you are willing to take this deep and sometimes frightening dive into changing your life style and improving your overall health and longevity you will experience  a  promotion of happiness which is a profound healing force.  

Until next time, I am Happe to help.  

Call or text me: 775 230-1507 or email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

until then....

Michele

        

ACTUALLY HOW BAD IS ALCOHOL FOR YOU

I have been sober since 1980...I have always been grateful for my sobriety because it has helped me clean up my act in so many other ways.  But now I discover that the dangers of consuming alcohol are so much more profound than I ever knew.  I will be posting a link to one of my hero's in the mental health and theraputic ketosis space, Dr.Chris Palmer, a psychiatrist at Harvard.  He is working with the most "hopeless" mental health disorders schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  Who knew ketones would be a profoundly helpful treatment to eliminate the heart breaking symptoms of these disorders.  

Back to alcohol.  What I have learned is that alcohol damages the mitochondria in every cell of our body.  Mitochondria are responsible for energy created in those cells.  This can even occur in what is considered healthy levels of drinking especially if you have a genetic predisposition for alcoholism.  The most profound damage happens first in the liver (we all know that) and second, to the brain!

Many believe that the brain gets its primary energy from glucose...but this is not true.  The majority of the world population are fueling their brains with glucose because of the over consumption of carbs.  What the brain actually prefers are ketones, a fatty acid, for fuel.  This is also true for the liver by the way.  The harmful byproducts of alcohol  sneak into the brain preferentially and at first make us feel better but ultimately damage the brains ability the receive the energy it needs to function.  Not only do ketones heal the brain and liver and so many other systems in the body like the heart, but they also heal and reverse the whole metabolism.  

Even moderate consistent amounts of alcohol can do damage to the brain, liver and even the gut promoting many types of cancer, demential and cirrhosis of the liver.  

This is a brief intro to a wonderful video with Dr. Chris Palmer.  If you want to be scared about you drinking please watch...he gives solutions to the problem at the end which are very hopeful indeed.  

Here is the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1UT-XKQFD0

I welcome your comments and please subscribe because I will be posting on a more regular basis and tell you friends and family to visit as well.  

Michele

775 230-1507.       mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

KETOSIS FOR WEIGHT LOSS....AND WAY BEYOND...

Lots of exciting things are happening in the scientific world  about ketosis.  Not only is ketosis good for weight loss it also successfully addresses and either minimizes or reverses:

    TYPE 2 DIABETES

    PCOS

    HEART DISEASE

    CANCER

    IRRITABLE BOWEL AND CRONES DISEASE

    ADHD

    ALZEIMERS 

    SCIZOPRENIA AND BIPOLAR DISORDER

    DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

    AUTISM SPECTRUM

    ALCOHOLISM

and the list goes on

I have been in some form of ketosis for many years.  This year I doubled down and became carnivore because I wasn't happy with an A1C of 5.9.  Within a week of the change I started seeing blood glucose consistently under 100!  There are so many benefits.  No more hangry, mood leveling out, I get to eat lots of butter and bacon (who doesn't love bacon), really good sleep, no more cravings for anything, and memory improvement (barring difficulty with nouns and names....Im 74 in October) and a stable weight for the first time in my life.

I have been working with clients as a recovery coach, a mindfulness coach and in the last year as a metabolic coach.  With gentle loving shoves, many of my clients have adopted the diet with wonderful results.  One is off 3 meds for diabetes.  Many have lost lots of weight and feel better.  Many report stable mood and less anxiety.  And all report a freedom for craving and addiction to carbs....because they have severely reduced carbs to under 20 total.  I spend hours each day researching all the best science around therapeutic ketosis.  It abounds and is fascinating and gives me a good foundation for helping others in my private practice.  It also helps the I ran one of the first eating disorder units in the country in the 1970's.  

I am on a mission.  It makes me so happy for my clients to get such great results just by changing what they put in their mouth.  I have started a text group for all of them and want to expand to others who are interested in healing their metabolism. If you are interested give me a call or text.  All my practice is video now so it doesn't matter where you are worldwide.  As a practicing Buddhist my commitment to kindness and non harm has enabled me to be of service with a small slice of the population in my endeavor to heal the world....

Until then...be well

Michele Happe MA

775 230-1507    email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Aspie ish!

Aspie ish!

Michele Happe MA

February 12 2016

I have coached a number of people with Aspergers as well as a few parents with Aspergers kids.  When I approach a new issue in my practice I do a lot of research and learn from my clients.  When I had my radio show I did a long segment on Aspergers and autism as part of my research.  After the show a number of people approached me telling me that they took the test I provided and sure enough, they were on the spectrum.  I took the test and I was not even though I identified with a number of characteristics such a social uncomfortability and anxiety, hypersensitivity to certain types of stimulation and others.  

Then I started thinking about my dad.  He was a strange and interesting dude .  He was a materials engineer who worked at Jet Propulsion Lab where he had experiments on the voyager spacecraft.  His gig was manufacturing glass in zero gravity.  He was also an inventor and a musician.  He was super smart but spacey and neglectful as a father.  He was also lascivious and pervy.  I figured out after the fact that my dad was Aspie.  One of his favorite stories was how when he was 12 he got in trouble with his mom at the dinner table and she threw one of those large carving forks at him.  It embedded shallowly in his stomach and he refused to remove it, walking around all afternoon with a fork hanging out of his soft, obese belly.  THAT was my dad!  He was a very strange dude, a true eccentric.  I believe he was on the spectrum.  

Just to be clear let me include a list of characteristics for Aspergers:  

"Obviously, not all highly intelligent adults have Asperger. With no or few features from the list one does not have the condition. Even with a high score, one should realize a diagnosis can not be made on this basis, but requires interviews and observation in person next to psychological testing. Although GAIA was originally conceived to detect Aspergoid features, it may actually be measuring a more general disposition for psychiatric disorders without in itself being able to point to one specific disorder.

The Inventory

 Write complaint letters to authorities, professionals, companies etc.

 Read full manual before taking equipment into use

 Severely bullied at school

 Little or no facial expression

 Not well able to read another's facial expression

 Flat or monotonous voice

 Rigid day or week schedule (repetitive patterns)

 Strong interest in arcane subjects (either scientific, occult or trivial)

 Lack sensitivity to nonverbal cues and social codes

 Employed below ability level

 Poor work record

 Never had a steady job

 Social isolation

 Educated below ability level

 Never married

 Never had an amorous relationship

 Still virgin

 Fetishism

 Read reference works from A to Z

 Motor clumsiness

 "Talk too much"

 "Talk too little"

 Low "social skills"

 Little eye contact

 Shy

 One-sided eating habits

 Capable of sustained rigorous hard work

 Savant

 Not taken seriously or misunderstood in face-to-face situations

 Neurotic habits or tics

 Diagnosed Schizophrenia

 Diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

 Diagnosed any Personality Disorder

 Very honest

 Peculiar or (for males) too high-pitched voice

 Not emotional

 Highly sensitive to criticism

 Lack "common sense"

 Bitten by dogs

 A-rhythmic speech or abnormal speech rhythm

 Teased by children in adulthood

 Clumsy or exaggerated gestures when talking

 Unrightfully punished at school

 Perfectionist

 Longing for death or suicidal thoughts

 Eating disorder (like anorexia)

 Depression or on anti-depressant

 Attached to animals or things rather than humans

 On tranquillizers

 Drug addict

 Homeless

 Sleeping problems

 Stilted and overformal in social interaction

 Oversensitive to particular sounds"

* http://paulcooijmans.com/personalitytests/asperger.html

So this is a very exhaustive list that is meant as a test to see if you have Aspergers.  One funny note:  My dad was famous for writing complaint letters.  He actually got toothpicks on one of the airlines by exhaustively writing letters.  He would also write letters to Chinese Restaurants complaining about the fact that they didn't serve coffee...he was not so successful there.  

So I guess I am a child of an Aspie or Aspie ish.  As I like to say.  I don't qualify but I do identify.  I think if you asked people who know me you would hear that I am unusual, or unique...not quite eccentric but close.  I have arranged my life so that I can be comfortable.  I work at home.  I need lots of alone time even though I love people...in very small doses.  This includes my husband who is also Aspie ish.  His dad qualifies and one of his brothers is most probably on the spectrum.  I hate parties unless I have a specific job like cutting carrots or if I can hide in a corner and have a deep philosophical conversation with someone one on one.  

I like who I am.  Aspie ish works for me.  As a friend who qualifies said to me..."I wear it as a badge of honor".  I was disappointed and remain so when the distinction Aspergers was subsumed into the Autism Spectrum Disorder classification.  I don't see Aspergers as a disorder at all.  We do have our challenges but we are a sweet eccentric tribe as far as I can tell.  We generally are verbally gifted and can cruise around in the world with only lifting a few eyebrows occasionally.  As an Aspie ish person, I have a deep understanding and compassion for those who are in the tribe as I was raised by one.  I get it even though I don't qualify as "one".  I want to be a member of the tribe as a supporter who is fortunate to have many of the "qualities" that high functioning Aspies share.  Call me a groupie if you want.  

I love working with Aspies.  It is fun to coach someone on how to be a bit more social, how to network and set priorities.  I enjoy empathizing and cheering them on toward self acceptance and ultimately self approval.  I advocate setting up a life that may not look the way other people's lives look but it is a life that works well.  I also believe this about relationships.  We must tailor our relationships to fit our personality and our proclivities.  This means that we need to quit comparing ourselves to "typicals".  Aspies are only typical to our own tribe which in my view includes Aspie ish types like me.  

My hope is that this little blog will touch others who might identify as Aspie or Aspie ish.  I also hope that whoever you unidentified tribal members are you might do a little work on honoring yourself as being a member of a very special tribe of people who are collectively responsible on many levels for making the world a better place.  It is the geeks and scientific types who are such contributors due to their exhaustive energy and brilliance.  Many of them are in our tribe.  I believe it is a tribe to be celebrated.

Until then, be well.