Trauma yields different reactions based on who receives it. I had a client years ago who was nightly molested by her step father who suffered greatly with food issues, anxiety, and depression. She was activated and disregulated perpetually. She walked through life like a deer in the headlights. Her step sister on the other hand was approached by the step father and she fought him and told him to "get the fuck out of her room"!. She had no trauma reaction. He never approached her again. She was a tough cookie and her sister was introverted and very sensitive.
So now a little about me. I am a trauma survivor. It started with my dad who was sexually inappropriate with me since I was 3. His behavior was mostly covert. I remember being in fear and loathing around him and literally clung to my mother. When I was old enough to spend the night at a friends, I would always end up needing to call my mom because of extreme stomach upset. In college I started having panic attacks and anxiety all the time. I was a chubby kid and began lots of crazy dieting starting with diet pills....with my dad. He always said we were cut from the same cloth. I didn't realize how profound that statement was until my 60's when I realized I was on the autism spectrum. At that time I realized he was too. He was a brilliant materials engineer and accomplished trumpet player with many hobbies and special interests. As I was saying before, when college started I became anorexic and self harming. I lived with suicidal ideation which haunted me and terrified my boyfriend at the time who would hold my passenger door closed while driving when I threatened to jump out of our VW Bus.
Through all of this trauma reaction I was a great student and found solace by going to school, learning and studying. It was the greatest distraction. While I was a student there I became a geology tutor where I got my thirst for teaching. The lab was the place where I felt most comfortable. I was a very good geek!! I had my Masters in Psychology at 23 and got a gig student teaching at my own community college in my home town. I taught at that community college for a few years and when the bottom dropped out in education in the 70's I started my own business in advertising, representing commercial artists. I had realized I preferred self employment even though I know that job wasn't for me. After being a drug and alcohol counselor intern I got hired as a director of an eating disorder unit at a mental hospital. I loved the job of supervising counselors and doing educational outreach but I hated working in that environment. I felt the place was a "snake pit". My anxiety blossomed and I walked off that job, applied for disability and got on Prozac which I called "club med". That was when I started a private practice in the early 90's and where I continue to work with clients as a life style and recovery coach until the present. Oh and by the way I got sober, dealt with my eating disorders, codependency and got into therapy. No one ever diagnosed my Level 1 autism until I diagnosed myself in my 60's.
My own case history reveals how trauma affects the susceptible. My autism was my susceptibility and my gift. Level 1 Autism is a remarkable tribe. We are often introverted, highly sensitive, easily hurt and disregulated, highly intelligent and talented in many areas where we have special interests. Mine are currently digital painting and learning everything I can about metabolism and therapeutic ketosis. My work is my social life. This is true for many of us on the spectrum. But not everyone with deep sensitivities are on the spectrum. Some of us are just born with the tendency for fear and anxiety, and are more likely to be damaged by trauma. Men and women might react differently, but both can fall victimized by trauma.
The reason I suspect trauma damage is when I see the symptoms outlined in part 1. Those symptoms are usually an attempt to deal with trauma damage. In the language of autism, they are stimming attempts to help regulate the system whether it is throwing up a meal, cutting, or becoming a powerful politician who is dominated by the need for success, power and retribution. The reactions to trauma are varied and complex, but treatment is generally the same. I believe that we need to develop a compassionate relationship with our own trauma and learn helpful and healthy ways to re regulate ourselves when we are triggered into disregulation.
In part 3 I will share more about treatment and share some case histories with you, so stay tuned.
Until then, be well
Michele
mhappenow.happe@gmail.com 775 230-1507
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