If you suffer from addictions of any kind and want to recover

Then follow these steps

1). Clean up your nutrition by reducing carbs, first sugar then grains then starchy vegetables. Reduce your carbs to 20 grams net and eat only whole real food. Eat moderate protein and replace carbs with healthy fats like animal fats olive oil and coconut oil. 

2). Begin an exercise program like walking, weight training, swimming biking or playing sports at least 3 times per week. 

3). Get adequate sleep shooting for 8 hours based on your own biorhythms.  Whether you are a night owl or a lark accepting these rhythms will enhance your sleep experience. 

4) Attend support meetings of your choosing. If you don’t like groups find a recovery coach, counselor or therapist. If you are dealing with previous trauma, make sure you find someone who is experienced in dealing with this. 

This may feel like a very tall order but it is worth it to create a long and healthy life without addictions..

Live as clean a life as possible and you will not only reverse your addiction but will feel and function better than ever. These steps also reverse many mental health conditions and metabolic health conditions like obesity and diabetes.

Be well,

Michele

775 230-1507

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

 

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Aspie ish!

Aspie ish!

Michele Happe MA

February 12 2016

I have coached a number of people with Aspergers as well as a few parents with Aspergers kids.  When I approach a new issue in my practice I do a lot of research and learn from my clients.  When I had my radio show I did a long segment on Aspergers and autism as part of my research.  After the show a number of people approached me telling me that they took the test I provided and sure enough, they were on the spectrum.  I took the test and I was not even though I identified with a number of characteristics such a social uncomfortability and anxiety, hypersensitivity to certain types of stimulation and others.  

Then I started thinking about my dad.  He was a strange and interesting dude .  He was a materials engineer who worked at Jet Propulsion Lab where he had experiments on the voyager spacecraft.  His gig was manufacturing glass in zero gravity.  He was also an inventor and a musician.  He was super smart but spacey and neglectful as a father.  He was also lascivious and pervy.  I figured out after the fact that my dad was Aspie.  One of his favorite stories was how when he was 12 he got in trouble with his mom at the dinner table and she threw one of those large carving forks at him.  It embedded shallowly in his stomach and he refused to remove it, walking around all afternoon with a fork hanging out of his soft, obese belly.  THAT was my dad!  He was a very strange dude, a true eccentric.  I believe he was on the spectrum.  

Just to be clear let me include a list of characteristics for Aspergers:  

"Obviously, not all highly intelligent adults have Asperger. With no or few features from the list one does not have the condition. Even with a high score, one should realize a diagnosis can not be made on this basis, but requires interviews and observation in person next to psychological testing. Although GAIA was originally conceived to detect Aspergoid features, it may actually be measuring a more general disposition for psychiatric disorders without in itself being able to point to one specific disorder.

The Inventory

 Write complaint letters to authorities, professionals, companies etc.

 Read full manual before taking equipment into use

 Severely bullied at school

 Little or no facial expression

 Not well able to read another's facial expression

 Flat or monotonous voice

 Rigid day or week schedule (repetitive patterns)

 Strong interest in arcane subjects (either scientific, occult or trivial)

 Lack sensitivity to nonverbal cues and social codes

 Employed below ability level

 Poor work record

 Never had a steady job

 Social isolation

 Educated below ability level

 Never married

 Never had an amorous relationship

 Still virgin

 Fetishism

 Read reference works from A to Z

 Motor clumsiness

 "Talk too much"

 "Talk too little"

 Low "social skills"

 Little eye contact

 Shy

 One-sided eating habits

 Capable of sustained rigorous hard work

 Savant

 Not taken seriously or misunderstood in face-to-face situations

 Neurotic habits or tics

 Diagnosed Schizophrenia

 Diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

 Diagnosed any Personality Disorder

 Very honest

 Peculiar or (for males) too high-pitched voice

 Not emotional

 Highly sensitive to criticism

 Lack "common sense"

 Bitten by dogs

 A-rhythmic speech or abnormal speech rhythm

 Teased by children in adulthood

 Clumsy or exaggerated gestures when talking

 Unrightfully punished at school

 Perfectionist

 Longing for death or suicidal thoughts

 Eating disorder (like anorexia)

 Depression or on anti-depressant

 Attached to animals or things rather than humans

 On tranquillizers

 Drug addict

 Homeless

 Sleeping problems

 Stilted and overformal in social interaction

 Oversensitive to particular sounds"

* http://paulcooijmans.com/personalitytests/asperger.html

So this is a very exhaustive list that is meant as a test to see if you have Aspergers.  One funny note:  My dad was famous for writing complaint letters.  He actually got toothpicks on one of the airlines by exhaustively writing letters.  He would also write letters to Chinese Restaurants complaining about the fact that they didn't serve coffee...he was not so successful there.  

So I guess I am a child of an Aspie or Aspie ish.  As I like to say.  I don't qualify but I do identify.  I think if you asked people who know me you would hear that I am unusual, or unique...not quite eccentric but close.  I have arranged my life so that I can be comfortable.  I work at home.  I need lots of alone time even though I love people...in very small doses.  This includes my husband who is also Aspie ish.  His dad qualifies and one of his brothers is most probably on the spectrum.  I hate parties unless I have a specific job like cutting carrots or if I can hide in a corner and have a deep philosophical conversation with someone one on one.  

I like who I am.  Aspie ish works for me.  As a friend who qualifies said to me..."I wear it as a badge of honor".  I was disappointed and remain so when the distinction Aspergers was subsumed into the Autism Spectrum Disorder classification.  I don't see Aspergers as a disorder at all.  We do have our challenges but we are a sweet eccentric tribe as far as I can tell.  We generally are verbally gifted and can cruise around in the world with only lifting a few eyebrows occasionally.  As an Aspie ish person, I have a deep understanding and compassion for those who are in the tribe as I was raised by one.  I get it even though I don't qualify as "one".  I want to be a member of the tribe as a supporter who is fortunate to have many of the "qualities" that high functioning Aspies share.  Call me a groupie if you want.  

I love working with Aspies.  It is fun to coach someone on how to be a bit more social, how to network and set priorities.  I enjoy empathizing and cheering them on toward self acceptance and ultimately self approval.  I advocate setting up a life that may not look the way other people's lives look but it is a life that works well.  I also believe this about relationships.  We must tailor our relationships to fit our personality and our proclivities.  This means that we need to quit comparing ourselves to "typicals".  Aspies are only typical to our own tribe which in my view includes Aspie ish types like me.  

My hope is that this little blog will touch others who might identify as Aspie or Aspie ish.  I also hope that whoever you unidentified tribal members are you might do a little work on honoring yourself as being a member of a very special tribe of people who are collectively responsible on many levels for making the world a better place.  It is the geeks and scientific types who are such contributors due to their exhaustive energy and brilliance.  Many of them are in our tribe.  I believe it is a tribe to be celebrated.

Until then, be well.  

Food and Weight and how Basic Buddhist Principles can be so Helpful

Michele Happe MA Certified Health Coach
August 4, 2015
http://mhappe.com


I was fortunate to have extensive training in eating disorders.  I ran one of the first eating disorder units in the 80’s.  I learned that is more important to focus on the food and eating rather than weight.  Focusing on weight can be an attachment in itself.  Let me start with a few basic Buddhist principles that are helpful.

ATTACHMENT AND AVERSION ARE THE PRIMARY CAUSES OF SUFFERING

I prefer to call our issues with over eating attachment rather than addiction.  When we grasp or cling we are in attachment.  One of the most difficult things for the overeater to do is to contemplate letting go of that which has given us so much solace and pleasure.  We turn to food as our comfort.  It is soothing to fill our bellies when we are hurting or anxious.  It is hard to imaging having to deal with the emotions or life without our “friend”.  So we find fault with so many of the plans that provide help with this.  It is too restrictive, it is not real food,  it is boring, I cannot do this forever, I am a foodie, I do eat healthy food, just too much of it, it is too expensive.  The list goes on and on.  Ultimately we fear that we will fail, that it is an impossible task.  So we become attached to that which gives us comfort, to that which eventually may kill us. 

NON ATTACHMENT AND ACCEPTANCE OF THE WAY IT IS

This is a tough one.  Many of us have to accept that we have an issue that is emotional/spiritual in origin.  We also may need to accept that we have a genetic tendency to hold on to the weight.  This theory was poo poo’d for so many years but now as more research is being done with gut bacteria we are finding that a genetic predisposition toward holding weight actually does exist.  I have had to accept, particularly in menopause that I can eat only very few calories of the right kind of foods to keep my weight in acceptable bounds.  It is tempting to feel sorry for myself, but ultimately, my health is more important than my physical limitations.  So I eat less because I want to live more. 

As a Buddhist, I accept that regular spiritual practice and meditation is key to becoming a happier person.  This form of discipline is no longer something that I resent.  We can resent having to brush our teeth ever morning and night but we do it because the dentist chair is not only painful but it is also expensive.  Having a disciplined life with regard to food is the same.  It is ultimately more painful the other way. 

TRAINING THE MIND IS THE PATH TO WISDOM AND COMPASSION

When we become willing to get healthy in heart, body and mind, we actively become participants in how we think  We first learn mindfulness through meditation and the ability to become the observer of our mind.  When we look at that delicious dessert, we begin to dialogue with ourselves.  Is the prize worth the price?  These emotions will not kill me.  I will embrace them and let them come in so that they can pass. I began to see how my aversion to my feelings was the root to my compulsive eating.  When I realized that emotions are to be embraced and nurtured, I realized that they are impermanent. 



IMPERMANENCE-  ALL CONDITIONS ARE TEMPORARY

Realizing that everything is impermanent has been so helpful.  I can allow myself to be depressed.  With mindfulness I can become aware of what is causing my depression and work toward the remedy of the situation while not running from my feelings.  If I overeat, I can acknowledge that I am having a period of emotional eating and take better care of my self in other ways such as meditating, pampering myself with a hot bath or a nap or even indulging in a healthier distraction such as a good book, some exercise or a favorite show on Netflix. 

There is so much to cover on this subject so I will continue it in another blog post soon.  Rest assured that there is a way to be a healthy happy person with the development of healthy discipline and self regard.  My next blog post will deal with self hatred. 

Until then……be well


  

Finding a therapist

(this is an excerpt from a book I am writing on living with ADHD)

Therapy is a relationship with someone who is a few steps ahead of you. It is important to shop around until you find someone you are comfortable with. I will share with you some of my own preferences when I was looking for a therapist. I wanted someone who would share her own life with me when it was instructive to the therapy we were doing together. I preferred a woman because I wanted someone I felt understood women's issues and who communicated the way that I did. I also did not want the hassle of falling in love with my therapist in a sexual way. I felt safer working with a woman. Since I was working on addictive issues I wanted someone who had been to meetings and preferably was recovering. If they were not recovering I wanted them to be familiar with the 12 steps and who had been trained in addictions and codependency. Lots of therapists don't even believe that codependency exists. In my opinion, they just don't get it. I also wanted someone who understood the whole medication thing and who was comfortable working with MD's who prescribe medications. I found out later while working with my favorite therapist, Sally, that I needed someone who knew about sexual abuse and wacky family dysfunction as well.

I got lucky. At the time I did not have any idea what I needed. I just needed to feel comfortable to share my secrets and to know that my therapist was not perfect or holier than thou. Now I know and that is why I am attempting to pass this along to you.

I think it is very important for a therapist to admit mistakes when they happen. I happen to have a very shoot from the hip, blunt, forthright style. Because of this I occasionally will hurt a clients feelings. If they feel safe enough with me they know that they can confront me and that I will make amends for my error. This builds relationship.

As you can tell I am not much for the detached professional demeanor style of therapy. Some people need this to feel safe. They don't want to feel that their therapist even has a life. They want the therapist to just be there for them. This is fine too. It just important to know what you need before you go in to interview a therapist. That first session should be an interview. Do not feel obligated to return if it does not work for you. Your therapist works for you. You can hire or fire her or him at will. Just be sure that you are not avoiding the truth by quitting a particular therapist because she said something that was upsetting. First confront them with the upset and then see how they handle it. If it goes well and you feel that you were heard and acknowledged, then you will feel safer to expose yourself and to be in her care.

Again, it is important to be able to have a functional relationship with your therapist. If you are being diagnosed, it is your right to know what your diagnosis is and to be able to process your reactions to that diagnosis. If your therapist wants to recommend you to be evaluated for medication, she needs to be able to tell you why and to have a basic knowledge of brain chemistry and how medications work.

If you are into spirituality in your life it is a good idea to find a therapist who is open and well versed in her own spirituality. I am a Buddhist practitioner. I tell my clients that up front. I also let them know that I know a lot about Christianity and metaphysics too. I am able to convert many of the principles in Buddhism to similar Christian principles. If you are not at all into spirituality, your therapist should shut up about the subject and respect your point of view. It is a very bad idea for a therapist to impose their own world view on a client. I always ask permission to share about what I know about Buddhist principles. If they say no, which actually is rare, I don't mention it again.

Most of all you need to feel safe and comfortable while having respect for your therapists knowledge. I look at the therapeutic relationship as being sacred. It has the potential of being much more intimate that regular relationships. For this reason it is important to have a therapist who will not mix up the relationship with friendship. You may love each other very much but only in this very sacred professional way. I go to meetings and often see clients there. I will do fellowship after the meetings in the form of lunch or coffee and I don't hesitate to share these moments with my clients as long as it is in the context of the meeting. This is very difficult in a small town and I recommend talking freely about it with your therapist. This relationship is so sacred that often clients want to be friends too. I explain in the most loving way possible that I would not want to violate or taint the amazing thing that we have called the therapeutic relationship. It is difficult for many clients when they hear this and they may feel rejected. I try to be as compassionate and loving as possible as I explain the sacred nature of the relationship.

I hope this is helpful to any of you who feel that you might need therapy. It is a great and very bumpy ride full of surprises, thrills, and disappointments. Good fortune on your journey!

Finding a therapist

(this is an excerpt from a book I am writing on living with ADHD)

Therapy is a relationship with someone who is a few steps ahead of you. It is important to shop around until you find someone you are comfortable with. I will share with you some of my own preferences when I was looking for a therapist. I wanted someone who would share her own life with me when it was instructive to the therapy we were doing together. I preferred a woman because I wanted someone I felt understood women's issues and who communicated the way that I did. I also did not want the hassle of falling in love with my therapist in a sexual way. I felt safer working with a woman. Since I was working on addictive issues I wanted someone who had been to meetings and preferably was recovering. If they were not recovering I wanted them to be familiar with the 12 steps and who had been trained in addictions and codependency. Lots of therapists don't even believe that codependency exists. In my opinion, they just don't get it. I also wanted someone who understood the whole medication thing and who was comfortable working with MD's who prescribe medications. I found out later while working with my favorite therapist, Sally, that I needed someone who knew about sexual abuse and wacky family dysfunction as well.

I got lucky. At the time I did not have any idea what I needed. I just needed to feel comfortable to share my secrets and to know that my therapist was not perfect or holier than thou. Now I know and that is why I am attempting to pass this along to you.

I think it is very important for a therapist to admit mistakes when they happen. I happen to have a very shoot from the hip, blunt, forthright style. Because of this I occasionally will hurt a clients feelings. If they feel safe enough with me they know that they can confront me and that I will make amends for my error. This builds relationship.

As you can tell I am not much for the detached professional demeanor style of therapy. Some people need this to feel safe. They don't want to feel that their therapist even has a life. They want the therapist to just be there for them. This is fine too. It just important to know what you need before you go in to interview a therapist. That first session should be an interview. Do not feel obligated to return if it does not work for you. Your therapist works for you. You can hire or fire her or him at will. Just be sure that you are not avoiding the truth by quitting a particular therapist because she said something that was upsetting. First confront them with the upset and then see how they handle it. If it goes well and you feel that you were heard and acknowledged, then you will feel safer to expose yourself and to be in her care.

Again, it is important to be able to have a functional relationship with your therapist. If you are being diagnosed, it is your right to know what your diagnosis is and to be able to process your reactions to that diagnosis. If your therapist wants to recommend you to be evaluated for medication, she needs to be able to tell you why and to have a basic knowledge of brain chemistry and how medications work.

If you are into spirituality in your life it is a good idea to find a therapist who is open and well versed in her own spirituality. I am a Buddhist practitioner. I tell my clients that up front. I also let them know that I know a lot about Christianity and metaphysics too. I am able to convert many of the principles in Buddhism to similar Christian principles. If you are not at all into spirituality, your therapist should shut up about the subject and respect your point of view. It is a very bad idea for a therapist to impose their own world view on a client. I always ask permission to share about what I know about Buddhist principles. If they say no, which actually is rare, I don't mention it again.

Most of all you need to feel safe and comfortable while having respect for your therapists knowledge. I look at the therapeutic relationship as being sacred. It has the potential of being much more intimate that regular relationships. For this reason it is important to have a therapist who will not mix up the relationship with friendship. You may love each other very much but only in this very sacred professional way. I go to meetings and often see clients there. I will do fellowship after the meetings in the form of lunch or coffee and I don't hesitate to share these moments with my clients as long as it is in the context of the meeting. This is very difficult in a small town and I recommend talking freely about it with your therapist. This relationship is so sacred that often clients want to be friends too. I explain in the most loving way possible that I would not want to violate or taint the amazing thing that we have called the therapeutic relationship. It is difficult for many clients when they hear this and they may feel rejected. I try to be as compassionate and loving as possible as I explain the sacred nature of the relationship.

I hope this is helpful to any of you who feel that you might need therapy. It is a great and very bumpy ride full of surprises, thrills, and disappointments. Good fortune on your journey!