TRAUMA PART 8..ROBIN...ITS NOT OK TO BE ME...

Robin is on the Autism spectrum as AUDHD, both high functioning Autistic and ADHD. He (pronoun given with permission) is a very bright talented software engineer in his mid 20's.  One of his gifts is musical talent.  He is an introvert who pushes himself too hard and neglects his need for solitude. He works a full time job and is in numerous bands.  Robin is an example of someone who is more susceptible to trauma as a result of his Autism.  We Autistics tend to be highly sensitive.  Many of us are fluid in our gender and our sexuality.  Robin's main difficulty is he uses masking as a coping mechanism to his own detriment. Most people on the Autism spectrum get traumatized by bullying, parental disproval, or shaming as a result of social awkwardness, gender fluidity, and or a general feeling of not fitting in with the neurotypical world.  The comorbities of Autism can be many such as, depression, anxiety, psychosis, overwhelm, eating disorders and other addictions.

Robin's childhood is not the worse I have seen but it certainly wasn't easy.  His mother is a christian nationalist and very manipulative.  She often "attacked from the victim" position and targeted Robin, one of her two children.  Since he was very young she was cruel to him, blaming him for all of her problems. Robins parents were divorced when he was 9 and she turned to alcohol which would make her even more histrionic and chaotic.  Her two children took on the responsibility of trying to keep her on an even keel.  This is how Robin became codependent.  

Robin's father is an intelligent, kind man who was also codependent to his wife while they were married.  He was the model for Robin's codependency while remaining very loving to his children.  As Robin entered his teen years he coped by becoming rebellious, angry and destructive.  He had been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds which did not work for him at all which is typical of AUDHD.  He came out as trans to both parents in his teens and while his father accepted him his mother was furious and shaming of him.  He had a series of unhealthy painful relationships as a teen and took in all that hurt and confusion. He began to spend more and more time with his father as they had had a two week on two week off custody arrangement and eventually stayed with dad full time.   

With all of the abuse that Robin received from his mother, he still to this day remains loyal to her because ''she is his mother".  She has never visited him in the state he now lives in but he feels guilty for not wanting to visit her in her state.  He is torn between loving her and hating her.  This is difficult for us on the spectrum to process because those emotions don't fit nicely in a logical pattern.  Robin adores his father but really dislikes his stepmother.  He is ambivalent towards his mother but calls his macho step father a jerk and an idiot. 

Today Robin is dealing with a number if issues.  He has addiction to cigarettes, drugs, and to a lesser degree with food.  He has had suicidal ideation but never attempted.  He is a love addict who continues to be hurt in intimate relationships.  He hates his job but feels tied to his very generous salary.  He loves his music but is exhausted by all the road trips and practices.  He feels abandoned by his friends because they are all typical 20 somethings and he is smarter, kinder, and more emotional and sensitive than his guy friends.  We have been focusing on self care, limiting masking, self compassion and setting boundaries with others.  He is working on his tendency to avoid conflict with others as a form of masking.  (If you are curios about Autism I have a number of entries that deal with the subject as I am on the spectrum myself)

Robin is a very beautiful person inside and out.  He is dedicated to his work which consists of me both teaching him about self compassion while using myself as an example and modeling a compassionate mother role with him.  He is now taking the time for solitude so he can refuel.  We have begun to talk about him being his own inner parent and he is making progress while dealing with all the emotions that he has lifelong been attempting to mask or turn into rebelliousness.  He is a pleasure to work with and I have high hopes for him as he is beginning his work at such a young age.     

TRAUMA ON A MASS SCALE PART 7…COVID...AUTHORITARIANISM...EPSTEIN FILES

THE SLOW CREEP OF AUTHORITARIANISM

As a 75 year old I remember times that were comfortable and safe in the 50's and times that were crazy and horrible like the 60's and 70's with assassinations, the Viet Nam War, and Kent State.  During those crazy times most of us had been raised in comfortable homes where both parents who didn't need to work. As kids we played in the streets and had an intuitive sense of safety.  When the crazy started happening in the 60's we mobilized more than today because we were healthy and strong and had faith in ourselves.  

Today is a different story.  Here is a brief perspective.  Watergate happened in 1972.  I remember when Nixon started the privatization of health care.  That was the beginning of a slow accumulation of the degeneration of the "good old days" after FDR.  We were all like frogs in the heating up of water.  There were the John Birchers but they were marginalized.  Then came Reagan who was the anti government president. Then George Bush who cosigned president Reagan's policies. He was succeeded by bill Clinton who praised neoliberalism and capitulated to the republicans by continuing to see the profit motive of privatization.  There was a very slow erosion of FDR's policies even with our darling president Barack Obama who came out in the beginning as anti gay in order to get the votes needed.  He was a very eloquent charismatic Neoliberal who totally botched the housing crisis and gave money to the banks instead of the people who were threatened with foreclosure. This whole era was a very slow moving crisis which was exemplified by householders who had to work two jobs to survive and provide child care.  The safety of union involvement was severely degraded during this period.  Colleges became unaffordable for most.  When I graduated from CSULA in 1973 with a Masters degree I paid $152.00 per quarter.  Today's tuition is between $7000.00 and $20,000 per year depending on whether you are in state or out of state.  Down the street USC tuition is $72,000.  This is just one example of how trending neoliberalism has eroded our ability to feel safe and comfortable in the period from 1970 to 2020.  

After Trumps first presidency, he lost his 2nd term to Joe Biden.  Bernie Sanders had been in office of one kind or another since 1981.  His democratic socialist message has been consistent for all the years he has been in office.  He is an FDR progressive for the people.  I believe he could have won but he was replaced by the democratic establishment with Joe Biden who was marginally  a very good president and was in serious in decline.  His loss in 2024 marks the end of the slow deminishment  of FDR's policies.

With Trump's second term we are now frogs feeling the heat and pretty much close to boiling due to his open and very rapid dismantling of our government with the help of the authors of Project 2025.  We are scared and traumatized by what is going on and it will only get worse.  He has a very strident cult of followers responsible for about 30's of the vote, but who knows if we will even have a vote in the next election. 

Those who feel traumatized are tired and afraid and on the verge of just giving up.  We are hit with 24/7 frightening news and are tempted to put our collective heads in the sand, especially after experiencing COVID.

COVID

When COVID hit in the early months of 2020 life changed in the world.  Children were no longer going to school and in lock down, those who complied were at home working online or losing their jobs.  Life radically changed and for many this was a trauma.  Many children, especially teens and preteens suffered the most because these are the years when peer group is everything and children are beginning the process of separation from parents for the inevitable change of leaving home and finding their own way either in college or out in the work world.  Many children became depressed and became glued to their phones in an effort to have some connection with others.  

Adults, especially extroverted adults suffered just as much as they became more isolated and started watching the news where there were daily statistics of the number of dead and hospitalized for the illness.  Those who recovered often developed Long COVID which we still don't understand.  Vaccines were released and we sat in our cars in long lines to get our first shots of this new MRNA Vaccine.  The anti vaxers lead by RFK JR refused the vaccines as all kinds of propaganda appealed to the fear spread by propagandists.  Many of these people died or ended up in intensive care in hospitals.

First responders stayed on the job especially hospital workers.  They watched powerlessly as patients started dying and then their own colleagues got sick and died.  Mask wearing became controversial which only lead to more spread.  It took years for the pandemic to be called off in favor of the label endemic.  And still people are dying from the illness. 

We were all touched by the pandemic and were required to adjust while dealing with PTSD, long COVID, depressed children and teens, little ones who never knew anything different and an economy that was damaged by the lockdowns and the sickness.  Many of us are still recovering. 

EPSTEIN FILES

It is difficult to estimate the number of people sexually assaulted because over 50% never report.  Freud estimated the 70% of females of all ages experience sexual assault.  I don't think that number is that far off.  Males are not exempt from sexual assault as well.  

This new emergence of the Epstein Files are triggering for those who are involved but for those also who were ever sexually abused.  I find myself, a survivor, obsessed with the news and am exasperated by the lack of transparency of our government on all levels to release all the files even though the president has the power to release them.  The triggers can be subtle like mine or profound leading to fear and anxiety as well as depression and a tendency to self harm.  

THE DEGENERATE TIMES

In Buddhism these times we are living in are predicted in teachings to be the degenerate times when teaching about loving kindness, compassion, wisdom, and the interdependence of all things are needed.  As Tibet was taken over by the Chinese many Tibetan teachers were moving to the west to teach Buddhist Principles.  The Dalai Lama moved to India for refuge. These teachings are antidotes to the trauma experienced on a personal levels as well as the mass traumas above as well as the mass trauma of war and authoritarianism.

I contemplate impermanence every day with the faith that we can recover from all of this.  One of my favorite prayers that I recite every day is: (Please refer to part 3 in this series...The answers are in Buddhism)

May the terrible weapons of modern warfare-nuclear weapons, biological weapons and so forth that threaten to destroy the earth, and may all our ill fortune leading to great wars and armed conflict be utterly pacified.  May the world enjoy happiness similar to that of the golden age.

Another:

In all countries may disease, war and famine be pacified.  May all beings have bliss, happiness and engage in the Dharma.  

It is possible to recover from our traumas by developing a healthy relationship to them and by developing compassion to self as well as others. Working with a knowlegeable professional can be very helpful.  Community involvement also is a great reminder that we are all connected and interdependent.  Stress reduction, healthy sleep patterns, healthy diet, are also important.  Nothing is more important than being authentically who we are.

Much love and be well,

Michele Happe MA mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507

Search for my Metabolic Mind Page and  my Psychology Today page

Comments are welcomed