Wednesday, August 20, 2025

PART 5 TRAUMA..RUBY...THE STRONG ONE

Ruby is an attractive very intelligent engaging woman in her late fifties.  I worked with Ruby briefly in the early 2000's.   At that time she was sober and working a 12 step program.  Within the last year she came back to me for further work.  She was working on what she called her issues with debauchery.  Her issues were now food addiction gambling, drinking and smoking cigarettes.  Her relapse was profound and causing her much distress.  She was able to give up alcohol and food addiction for a clean keto diet but her issues of gambling remained.  We discovered that part of the issue was an issue with her husband who was also debaucherous  with her. In other words he was her "lower companion".  Another stressor in the marriage was her husband was the exact opposite of her politically and he was a very devout catholic and she was more a metaphysical Christian.  

As we were dealing with her addictive issues and marriage issues, I asked about childhood trauma.  She indicated that she had dealt with that years back with another therapist.  She told me the story though.  Her father was clearly a malignant narcissist, alcoholic and sadist.  He would come into her room when she was just a little girl and would force her to drink alcohol until she would pass out.  She did not know if he sexually molested her and she was in a black out.  (I assumed that is exactly what happened as he had that reputation in the family and her older sister clearly remembered being sexually molested by him). He also tortured his children.  While napping he would approach Ruby with a stand up vacuum cleaner and suck her hair into the roller causing her considerate fear and pain.  This man later died by suicide to her great relief.  

I was curious to uncover the current patterns that dictated by this early abuse.  Ruby was groomed to tolerate a lot of abuse especially from intimate partners.  She had been married a few times and all of those marriages were terminated due to abuse or infidelity.  Her current husband is kind but very avoidant of conflict which renders him the weaker partner.  Ruby wears the pants in this relationship which is the inversion of the previous pattern of overt abuse.  Her current husband is passive aggressive rather than overt, the opposite side of the same coin.  If Ruby slips and gambles and smokes he  slips too. if Ruby abstained from both addictions so does he.  She easily takes on the mantle of aggressor and the partner who demands compliance in most areas of the marriage, except for his political views and religious convictions. 

As our work together progressed and a good bond was created, Ruby indicated that she was willing to look again at her trauma issues.  I was very gentle with her and showed her kindness and empathy as she shared how her past trauma mimicked much of the subsequent trauma.  We talked a lot about how she was groomed by her original trauma.  I suggested that she create her own room which was to be her sanctuary and she did.  We were just about ready to delve into inner child work at this writing.  As she read the previous parts of this trauma blog she indicated that she was learning more about self compassion and was willing to implement the work involved in achieving that.  

I feel honored to be Ruby's guide through some of the worst trauma I have ever heard.  My own motherly instincts guide me in helping her adopt a supportive loving inner mother for her wounded inner child.  She is now abstinent from alcohol, gambling, food addiction and smoking!  We continue our work together with loving kindness for each other.   

Thursday, August 14, 2025

PART 4 HEALING TRAUMA AND HEALTH

We know that trauma has profound effects on both physical and emotional health.  I have outlined many of the emotional health manifestations in part one.  Unfortunately the medical and mental health community have ignored physical well being as if the brain is somehow separate from the body.  It is so important to bring help and healing to the whole person while working with the effects of trauma.  When we look at mental health problems they are very often accompanied by metabolic health problems such as type 2 diabetes, obesity, heart disease and and auto-immune issues and of course all kinds of addictions.  

Life style is the key to enhancing health and happiness.  Once we do our trauma work and have begun to function with some hope for happiness and are able to embrace our trauma as a part of out history which has launched the ability to function from the perspective of deep self compassion and wisdom, we are much more able to treat our physical selves with kindness and healing as well.  My focus in this part 4 is precisely those aspects of life style.

Nutrition 

One of the primary attempts to self sooth when restimulation of trauma arises is use of food.  Binging on a favorite junk food like ice cream (mother's milk), chips, baked goods like cookies, cake and bread are the usual suspects.  I used to alternate sweet, then salty, and back as my binge favorite especially when high on weed.  The effect of these favorites including alcohol and drugs is to dampen the feelings associated with trauma.  It is an attempt to re-regulate our nervous system by aversion of having those emotions.  The willingness to give up these substances (I hesitate to call them nutrition) is very hard to break.  We are like little ones who cling to our blanket in order to feel a fleeting sense of safety which eventually become the source of guilt, remorse and self hatred.  Self hatred erases the work of self compassion.  

If you decide to clean up your nutrition act, it is important to go thru a period of withdrawal, both emotional and physical and to find other self soothing stimulations which are healthy and effective.  Believe me it is so worth it in the end once the feeling of physical well being is enhanced.  

So let's talk about nutrition.  Every person is different and requires different levels of macro nutrition.  The first thing to do is to simply eliminate all packaged junk food.  This will cut down on your consumption of sugar and processed carbs.  If you find yourself feeling substantially better, then this is your food plan....no junk food.  But if you suffer from any metabolic disorders you may need to go further.  When I reduced my carb intake with the ketogenic diet which stresses moderate protein, high fat and no more than 20 net carbs, my Autism comorbities resolved.  No more depression and anxiety.  My energy increased and the clarity of mind was amazing.  My moods were stable and I felt blessed from eating this way.  I still had my favorites like low carb Magic Spoon cereal and homemade keto bread which tugged at my cravings but even those were muted by the extreme reduction of carbs.  I was in mild ketosis but my yearly blood work always showed that I had "mild pre diabetes".  All my research showed me that I needed to go further to resolve the elevated blood glucose and insulin resistance (hyper insulinemia). So I further restricted my macros to animal protein and lots of yummy animal fat and essentially no carbs or fiber.  For me this was transformational.  All cravings were gone.  Hunger was suppressed  to the point that I started eating 2 meals per day within a 6 hour window.  Food was relegated to fuel for health rather than a quick easy fix to regulate my emotional pain.  My blood glucose went from 108 to 76 and my fasting insulin went from 5.8 to 2.5.  I no longer had pre diabetes.  I even found out that my atherosclerosis in my heart and aorta was extremely low.  

So the type of nutrition you eat should be defined by the level of metabolic health you desire.  Eating whole one ingredient food is key.  It can be vegetarian, mediteratian, keto or carnivore.  Regular blood work is very helpful but it is important to remember that the numbers represented are averages of mostly those who eat the very unhealthy standard American diet which has inflated out rates of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.  I am 75 and take no prescriptions only supplements like magnesium, D3/K2, vitamin C to reduce bruising and lots of salt and electrolytes.  

Exercise

Regular exercise keeps us healthy and strong. Resistance training (lifting heavy things) brisk walking, yoga, sports, HIIT, are all good choices.  I swim laps in the pool 6 days per week.  I love being in the water and the meditative effect of patterned breathing. Do what you enjoy in order to be committed to exercise in the long run.  

Spiritual connection

Your spiritual connection is also very individual.  Whatever form you choose, it should meet your needs and resonate with you.  Think in terms of not needing to change much to fit in rather than trying to change yourself in order to fit in.  This goes for atheists and agnostics as well.  Choosing ethical conduct and kindness and meditation is a fine choice especially if it enhances your self compassion work.  I chose Tibetan Buddhism and I practice every day and lead a little Sangha practice group which I sincerely enjoy. 

Good sleep 

Healthy nutrition enhances good sleep.  Try to get 8 hours.  Many of us post menopausal women have broken sleep.  I have found this to not be a problem.  I get up to pee a couple times and even watch a fun show, then go back to sleep.  I am an extreme lark so I am asleep by five and up by 1 or 2 am.  It is now 2:34 am. This is my favorite most productive time of the day.  I swim at 5 am and enjoy the empty gym.  Whether you are a lark or an owl my opinion is that we do better if we can set up our lives so that we can honor our natural biorhythms.  I don't understand the necessity of molding ourselves to the cultural norms although not all of us can honor our biorhythms out of financial necessity.

Social Network

Having healthy satisfying connection with others is key to general health.  Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert will define the types of connections you have.  I live with my immediate family and connect with them every day.  I have a few friends which I treasure but am not fully engaged with.  Once a week is enough for me.  My main social connections are my clients I meet with and love dearly. As an introvert that is enough for me and makes me very happy.  Extroverts get regulated by being engaged in activities with others, introverts get regulated by being alone. Choose your social live accordingly.  

My next part will present a few case studies who I am currently working with.  These will be anonymous in order to protect their privacy.  They have all consented and will reflect the amount of work and healing that has currently been achieved.  All will have read their pieces and approved before publishing.   

Until then

Be well

Michele  (775) 230-1507 mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

PART 3 HELP AND HEALING COMES FROM BUDDHISM

I am listening to a book called Outshining Trauma.  Ralph De La Rosa speaks to me so deeply.  As a Buddhist practitioner I believe that the principles we learn and revere can not only heal trauma but can promote true happiness and even help with the attainment of unceasing wisdom and compassion.  

Compassion is the key.  One of my great pleasures in life is reading a list of people who are currently suffering.  Reading their names out loud make me feel love for myself as an opening of my heart and love for them as I think of them throughout the day.  

Trauma does not go away.  It ebbs and flows based on our experiences in life.  In order to heal from trauma I encourage and have achieved a relationship with it.  First we embrace whatever happened to us whether it was losing a home from a tornado(PTSD), COVID, or repeated abuse and neglect in our family culture(COMPLEX PTSD). We send love and compassion to ourselves as the person who is experiencing the trigger which is disregulating to the point that we can enter fight or flight behavior. 

 In the nineties inner child work was the rage.  It seemed hokey and I attended meetings where people were holding teddy bears or dolls representing their inner child.  I benefitted greatly by looking at a picture of my sad little self at 3 when the abuse started and deciding that I would be her protector.  This is how you develop self compassion.  It is amazing how many of my clients who are able to detach from their own traumatic experiences by rationalizing excuses for the one who targeted them but find it so hard to send love to the being who was so deeply affected by the abuser.  Being able to develop self compassion takes practice.  

Mindfulness and a searching and fearless inventory   

Primary tenants of Buddhism are to be authentic and true to who we are.  Once we have been traumatized much of our identity gets hidden due to shame, anger, guilt and we pretend or mask to seem well adjusted or just ok.  This makes getting reactivated from a trigger so much more possible.  I take many of my clients through an inventory that asks probing questions about childhood adolescence and adulthood.  It is pretty exhaustive.  Their answers culminate in developing patterns of character strengths as well as character flaws.  They come to know who they are, what their triggers are and the patterns that set them up for increased suffering.  This process activates authenticity.

Mindfulness is a teaching that asks us to be an observer of our own mind and to point out to ourselves where we are engaging in delusional thinking.  What is most important about mindfulness is to be able to send love and compassion to our delusional thinking which makes it possible to train our minds to the truth that we know in our hearts....that we have our own pure wisdom and compassion within us and that to be born human, past karma puts obstacles and obscurations in our way of this true nature of our own mind.  When we accept this we are then capable of transforming our own mind which sets the scene for true healing of trauma.  

A helpful tool is to embrace our hurt little child in the loving arms of your own inner parent.  This part of us exists to sooth our pain and open ourselves up to the truth who we are and that we deserve- compassion from self and others.  We develop a relationship with our trauma and love it back to health.  I tell my clients who bathe themselves in guilt and shame for what they have been through that if they keep that up Ill need to call child protective services on them because we don't treat children that way.  They usually get it instantly and we laugh together.  One of my clients who went through horrific trauma in childhood is stuck with an inner mantra which says, "it wasn't that bad".  When she is able to release the mantra and claim it to be delusional, her work will then be able to gain insight and the ability to truly heal.  

With practice we get better at mindfulness and authenticity and we come to ask ourselves important questions like "am I unnecessarily beating up myself internally" and "could I be taking better care of myself by setting boundaries with others and myself with compassion?"  "Am I in a relationship that is a trauma bond". Just being able to ask this question of ourselves is the path to great awareness and gradually the ability to structure our lives that enable us to be happy and productive rather than trying to fit into a norm by masking and pretending that we are "OK" which only makes our suffering worse.  We are OK only when we are able be our true self.  This is why as a coach I am very much an open book and am happy to share the path that got me here and the mistakes I make every day.  It is important to embrace imperfection as a being in the human realm.  It is part of the deal.  We embrace this with love but don't make it a justification for our less than enlightened  behavior. And we press on and practice and grow by increments.  

Support for this process is essential, whether it is with a therapist, coach, support group or fellow survivor who is on the healing path.  We cannot do this alone.  Our trauma is a part of our history.  With mindful awareness when we get reactivated by a present experience and can name it as a trigger and then re regulate through meditation, a phone call to a friend, a call to our coach, a call to our own inner loving parent or even a YouTube video that is soothing and we are right back in healing mode. In this sense we are developing a healthy relationship to our own trauma.  We embrace the fact that all emotions are fleeting, impermanent and will pass.  We are now in this moment to be happy and productive humans.  We are enabled to be IN the present moment which hold the full potential  for health happiness and the ability to pass on our healing to others who suffer.  

In the next part I will talking more about health.  For now:

Be well

Michele mhappenow.happe@gmail.com. 775 230-1507

Monday, August 11, 2025

TRAUMA PART 2.....THE SUSCEPTIBLE

Trauma yields different reactions based on who receives it.  I had a client years ago who was nightly molested by her step father who suffered greatly with food issues, anxiety, and depression.  She was activated and disregulated perpetually.  She walked through life like a deer in the headlights.  Her step sister on the other hand was approached by the step father and she fought him and told him to "get the fuck out of her room"!.  She had no trauma reaction. He never approached her again.   She was a tough cookie and her sister was introverted and very sensitive.

So now a little about me.  I am a trauma survivor.  It started with my dad who was sexually inappropriate with me since I was 3.  His behavior was mostly covert.  I remember being in fear and loathing around him and literally clung to my mother.  When I was old enough to spend the night at a friends, I would always end up needing to call my mom because of extreme stomach upset.  In college I started having panic attacks and anxiety all the time.  I was a chubby kid and began lots of crazy dieting starting with diet pills....with my dad.  He always said we were cut from the same cloth.  I didn't realize how profound that statement was until my 60's when I realized I was on the autism spectrum.  At that time I realized he was too.  He was a brilliant materials engineer and accomplished trumpet player with many hobbies and special interests.  As I was saying before, when college started I became anorexic and self harming.  I lived with suicidal ideation which haunted me and terrified my boyfriend at the time who would hold my passenger door closed while driving when I threatened to jump out of our VW Bus. 

Through all of this trauma reaction I was a great student and found solace by going to school, learning and studying.  It was the greatest distraction.  While I was a student there I became a geology tutor where I got my thirst for teaching.  The lab was the place where I felt most comfortable. I was a very good geek!! I had my Masters in Psychology at 23 and got a gig student teaching at my own community college in my home town.   I taught at that community college for a few years and when the bottom dropped out in education in the 70's I started my own business in advertising, representing commercial artists.  I had realized I preferred self employment even though I know that job wasn't for me.  After being a drug and alcohol counselor intern I got hired as a director of an eating disorder unit at a mental hospital.  I loved the job of supervising counselors and doing educational outreach but I hated working in that environment.  I felt the place was a "snake pit". My anxiety blossomed and I walked off that job, applied for disability and got on Prozac which I called "club med".  That was when I started a private practice in the early 90's and where I continue to work with clients as a life style and recovery coach until the present.  Oh and by the way I got sober, dealt with my eating disorders, codependency and got into therapy.  No one ever diagnosed my Level 1 autism until I diagnosed myself in my 60's. 

My own case history reveals how trauma affects the susceptible.  My autism was my susceptibility and my gift.  Level 1 Autism is a remarkable tribe.  We are often introverted, highly sensitive, easily hurt and disregulated, highly intelligent and talented in many areas where we have special interests. Mine are currently digital painting and learning everything I can about metabolism and therapeutic ketosis.  My work is my social life.  This is true for many of us on the spectrum.  But not everyone with deep sensitivities are on the spectrum.  Some of us are just born with the tendency for fear and anxiety, and are more likely to be damaged by trauma.  Men and women might react differently, but both can fall victimized by trauma.  

The reason I suspect trauma damage is when I see the symptoms outlined in part 1.  Those symptoms are usually an attempt to deal with trauma damage.  In the language of autism, they are stimming attempts to help regulate the system whether it is throwing up a meal, cutting, or becoming a powerful politician who is dominated by the need for success, power and retribution.  The reactions to trauma are varied and complex, but treatment is generally the same.  I believe that we need to develop a compassionate relationship with our own trauma and learn helpful and healthy ways to re regulate ourselves when we are triggered into disregulation. 

In part 3 I will share more about treatment and share some case histories with you, so stay tuned.

Until then, be well


Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507 

TRAUMA..Its effects and its manifestations part 1

Trauma doesn't go away, it morphs.  It can morph in both positive and negative ways.  Trauma affects different people in totally different ways.  Highly sensitive people are usually more profoundly affected than others but I will get into that later.  My way of helping people deal with trauma is to work on developing a relationship with it which can at first be very threatening and traumatic yielding tears or sometimes anger.  

A very common reaction to dealing with trauma without help and guidance is to attempt to bury it, hide it, lie about it, and overall try to forget about it.  What we know about these techniques is "what we resist persists". This is how trauma morphs into negative outcomes.  I'll list some of the ways these negative outcomes emerge.  Keep in mind that all of these outcomes are vain attempts to regulate oneself, but unfortunately only serve to disregualate in the end.  In other words, what originally "solves" the problem eventually becomes the problem.

Substance Abuse alcohol and drugs

Eating Disorders, anorexia, compulsive eating and purging of food.

Codependency, abandoning self in favor of others to our detriment.

Depression leading to isolation and a numbing effect

Anxiety causing further avoidance of triggers leading to isolation   

Narcissism seeing oneself as a victim and seeking retribution.

Sociopathy similar to Narcissim where retribution morphs into criminality by

    becoming an sexual abuser or rapist

    becoming a violent abuser

    becoming a murderer

    Borderline Personality Disorder where lack of a self base creates disregulated manipulating

        behavior which creates a come here go away dynamic.  


When I meet with a client we make a list of all the issues they are dealing with and want help with.  If I see any of the above I work with providing a safe and supportive environment where trust and therautic bonding can take place. Once I see that there is good rapport and respect I ask about trauma.  I think most of us experience trauma in our history.  Being trained in Drug and Alcohol Addiction and Eating Disorders very few clients are without any trauma.  When I account a client with anti social issues I help them define them which angers or irritates them causing them to quit working with me.  This is my intention because 1) I don't like to be conned and 2) counseling or coaching these types is generally not helpful to healing with is rare and usually only gives them better methods to con and hurt others who they generally see as objects and are only capable of transactional relationships. 


To be continued in. Part 2...The Susceptible

Be well

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

If you suffer from addictions of any kind and want to recover


Then follow these steps


1). Clean up your nutrition by reducing carbs, first sugar then grains then starchy vegetables. Reduce your carbs to 20 grams net and eat only whole real food. Eat moderate protein and replace carbs with healthy fats like animal fats olive oil and coconut oil. 


2). Begin an exercise program like walking, weight training, swimming biking or playing sports at least 3 times per week. 


3). Get adequate sleep shooting for 8 hours based on your own biorhythms.  Whether you are a night owl or a lark accepting these rhythms will enhance your sleep experience. 


4) Attend support meetings of your choosing. If you don’t like groups find a recovery coach, counselor or therapist. If you are dealing with previous trauma, make sure you find someone who is experienced in dealing with this. 


This may feel like a very tall order but it is worth it to create a long and healthy life without addictions..


Live as clean a life as possible and you will not only reverse your addiction but will feel and function better than ever. These steps also reverse many mental health conditions and metabolic health conditions like obesity and diabetes.


Be well,


Michele


775 230-1507

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

 

My Metabolic Mind page 

Search for:  Michele Happe Metabolic Mind


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Monday, May 12, 2025

AUTISM AND FOOD

As a very late diagnosed autistic woman myself and an expert in eating disorders I have been cogitating on the relationship between food and self regulation in autistic people.  As background I ran one of the first eating disorders in the country and am myself recovering from anorexia and compulsive overeating.  Parenthetically I am also sober for 45 years.  I became a metabolic coach a few years after learning about therapeutic ketosis for my metabolic health.  To my delight all the symptoms of my eating disorder resolved particularly when I adopted a carnivore zero carb eating regimen.  I like regimens because I am autistic and it fits so well with the way my brain works.  


I recently began working with a brilliant autistic woman who was in deep trauma from a very unhappy marriage.  She wanted support for her mental health and, particularly from her bulimia which I prefer to call vomiting behavior.  In autism it all starts with food preferences.  It is well known that due to our hyper sensitive nervous systems we gravitate to certain foods.  I wasn’t particularly picky as a child although my favorite breakfast was graham crackers crunched up in a bowl with chocolate sauce and milk.  My mother let me eat this.  I was always  a very ritualistic eater for instance eating around the core of a carrot to savor the sweet inner core as my ritual finale.  Speaking of carrots in my adolescent anorexic years I ate so many carrots that my skin turned orange.  


Autistics are all about attempts at self regulation.  We constantly are looking for ways to self soothe especially if we are high masking individuals who are attempting to fit into the neurotypical ways of our peers.  We have many food aversions which restrict our consumption around texture and taste.  Most of these self regulatory attempts are referred to as stimming.  Most of our stimming behaviors are healthy and to be encouraged as they do help us to self regulate.  Some of them however are harmful.  Eating disorders and other forms of addiction, cutting, etc. can lead to shame and blossom into depression, anxiety, OCD which only cause more pain and the need to self regulate which can lead to a disastrous feedback loop of pain, suffering and more metabolic illnesses down the line such as diabetes, heart disease, IBS, and cancer to name a few.  


I teach all my clients who are suffering from metabolic disorders including depression and anxiety to get into therapeutic ketosis which will ultimately enable them to focus on the other issues which lead to health such as regular exercise, good sleep, and particularly for those with autism, to set up your life which reduces stress, such as avoiding small talk, parties, noisy environments and most importantly unhappy stressful relationships.  Most of my relationships are with my immediate family who I live with who are also introverted and don’t give me grief for preferring to be alone in my sweet little safe room.  I have a few outside friends who get me and love me for my quirky self.  The remaining relationships I have are with my clients and my Buddhist sangha because I love my work and Buddhism and we engage in anything but small talk. 


If what I am sharing here makes you wonder if you might be on the Autism Spectrum or on your way to or have a metabolic illness do your research.  Learn more about those issues which plague your equanimity and balance.  And if you are so inclined to get professional health give me a call or find someone who is well versed in Autism and metabolic health who can support and guide you into a more fulfilling happy life. 


Be well


Michele: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com, 775 230-1507, Blue Sky, and Linkedin 


Wednesday, January 1, 2025

WHAT YOU MISSED WHEN I WAS ON THE NEWS JAN 31


GO TO:   https://www.kolotv.com/2024/12/31/dry-january-explained/?outputType=amp

I had a lovely 2 hour interview which had to be reduced to 1min 50 seconds....here is my addendum


If you want to take the month of January off from drinking first determine if you are a problem drinker by going to AA 20 questions and take the test.  It's a good valid test.  

Then if you are a heavy drinker, take 4-5 days to taper down to avoid seizures and. possible death.

You will feel like crap for a couple of weeks and a good way to minimize these symptoms is to eat only 1 ingredient food...which is real natural food.  Reduce carbs and increase good fat and protein.  This nutrition will reduce cravings.

Develop some kind of spiritual practice.

Keep a feeling journal and prepare and commit in that journal how your drinking will or will not continue for the next 11 months of 2025.  Take note of how you feel better after 2 weeks have passed.  

If you decide to keep drinking try to have at least 3 days per week with no drinks and keep your drinking to 1 or 2 when you do drink.

New research indicates that there are no healthy levels of drinking alcohol.  It degrades your mitochondria in your cells and contributes to the development of metabolic illnesses like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, dementia and the list goes on.  Just keep this in mind when you consider your future.

If you decide to stay sober get support from AA or other groups or professional help if your trauma has been triggered.

Do your best to continue to eat real low carb food with plenty of fat and protein.  You will lose weight if you need to will no longer have cravings and will heal Type 2 diabetes and other chronic conditions.  

So best of luck to you.  I hope you consider this a good start to the long process of living a healthy life one day at a time.  

Happe to help,


Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

775 230-1507