THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NARCISSISM AND CODEPENDENCY

 I have been seeing lots of posts on Facebook about people giving in to others who take advantage of them. Examples are loaning money that is not returned, doing favors for others that are not in the end, helpful, continuing toxic relationships because of guilt about being "cold hearted".

There is a dance in codependency that involves the intimate relationship between codependents and narcissistic types. To better understand codependency let me share my favorite codependent joke.

Two codependents have sex. In the afterglow one says to the other, "well it was good for you, how was it for me"?

Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. This is unhealthy.

Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self. They put themselves above all else. They use others toward their own ends and exploit relationships without feelings of guilt or remorse. They push blame off on others and are unable to see their own part in wrong doing.

It is easy to see how codependents and narcissists get hooked up. It is like two pieces of the puzzle coming together. One is the easy mark for the other. But there is a deeper connection.

It is found that there are familial links to this interaction. If you have one parent who is narcissistic you are likely to become either codependent or narcissistic yourself. If you have two narcissistic parents the same holds true.

Once a person begins to recover from codependency, they are able to begin setting boundaries and standing up to the narcissist. It is very difficult for all humans to conceive of someone who is totally bereft of the ability to empathize and learn from previous mistakes. The primary mistake the codependent makes is to give the benefit of the doubt to the narcissistic partner because it is so hard to fathom someone could be so selfish and unyielding. Thus the dynamic begins.

The good news for the codependent is that there is hope for recovery once they fully understand that the narcissist lacks that ability of compassion, which defines us as humans. Since codependents are quick to blame themselves for problems they are able to work well with a therapist to make changes. Not so for the narcissist. They are stuck in their own world of non blame and hence are pathological unable to change. How can one change if they are unable to see that there is anything wrong with them?

I highly recommend Codependents Anonymous for those who are attempting to free themselves for relationships that are toxic and abusive. It is a program full of specific guidelines for recovery from this type of harmful relationship. Go to http://www.coda.org/ for a plethora of information on the topic.

As far as help for the narcissist...hmmmm, well the best thing is to shake the dust off your feet and steer clear so they don't get a chance to use you. The only hope for the narcissist is that they develop addiction and can seek help for that where they might learn a different way to relate to the world. Alcoholics Anonymous is currently the best treatment modality for the narcissistic type...but chances for recovery are slim.

I’m Happe to help

Phone: 775 230-1507. Email:mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

I welcome your comments

WHAT ABOUT THOSE MEDICAL DOCTORS!

 One of the most frustrating things I have been experiencing since going ketogenic is dealing with my malinformed Primary MD who by the way I love dearly.  She really knows nothing about our tribe of people who utilize ketones rather than glucose for our energy on a cellular level.  The last time I went in for my yearly check up and labs which had been two years overdue, she was very alarmed by my LDL levels.  Little did she know that even for glucose burners lipids, particularly LDL are not a predictor or a risk for heart disease.  The primary risk for heart disease is Type 2 Diabetes and the primary cause of Type 2 is SUGAR!  

I explained the whole theory to her and even brought in studies for her to read.  She did remark how great my kidneys and thyroid were and that my HDL was high and my Triglycerides were low.  I did have a slightly high blood glucose(108) and A1C (5.9). I explained to her gluconeogenesis and the dawn effect where ketone burners have a surge of glucose from the liver to wake up the body for the days activities.  Even so, I decided to go strict carnivore with some dairy.  I also started testing my blood glucose before my last of my two meals a day and have never tested higher than the 90's since.  

I asked  her permission  to send her emails on Mychart with more info on this type of nutrition called keto.  She has thanked me kindly with everything I send her and I try to be sparing in my contact with her so as not to overwhelm her.  My sorrow for her is that she is probably 10 years younger than me (I'm 74) and she has just suffered from breast cancer and is obese and can barely walk.  I only wish she would give me a call and ask for my help.....

Doctors are indoctrinated and generally are so overworked and limited by insurance companies and crazy harmful guidlines  perpetrated by the pharmaceutical companies that they have adopted the old outmoded paradigm of medical care which is actually the cause of most if not all of our chronic disease.  

Something must change in order for the paradigm shift to occur.  I have received support from some of my MD's for my low carb diet and most of them are much younger than me.  This morning I just listened to a wonderful discussion between two forward thinking MD's, Dr. Ken Berry and Dr. Marty Makery who has written a book called Blind spots.  Dr. Berry has a book called Lies my Doctor told me.  

Lets give a listen to this wonderful informative interview from the doctor's mouths!

https://www.youtube.com/live/EqL6hi-CTFQ?si=KjZGGa8Od-eSPDs7

For some reason I cannot get the video to embed so just click on the link and it will take you to YouTube.  Its a good one...

Just know,

I am Happe to help

Call: 775 230-1507. email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Until next time

TRAUMA AND METABOLIC DISORDERS....

 It is clear from current research and scientific studies that there is a direct relationship between metabolic disorders and nutrition...but there is more.  In this post I will be talking about trauma, especially consistent repetitive childhood trauma which clearly affects the mental health of the adult as well as the physical health.  

What metabolic disorders do we see affected by trauma? I'll provide you with a list.

        Obesity

        Chemical dependency and addiction

        Depression and anxiety

        Personality disorders such as Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Dependent, and Depersonalization

        Heart disease

        Type 2 diabetes

        Irritable bowel disease

        Chronic fatigue and other autoimmune diseases

and more.  

The energy in every cell in our body depends on the mitochondria in each cell.  This is the powerhouse of each cell.  When the mitochondria is damaged, the cell is weakened and becomes dysfunctional, resulting in all of the above listed diseases and disorders.  Chris Palmer MD, a psychiatrist is another one of my heroes.  He was surprised to find that when one of his schizophrenic patients who was morbidly obese asked for a way to lose the excess weight, the ketogenic diet he recommended not only precipitated weight loss, but also took aways his hallucinations and delusions.  This was a patient who always rejected the diagnosis of schizophrenia before ketone adaptation.  After his weight loss and resolution of his schizophrenic symptoms, he remarked to the Dr. "you know I think I was schizophrenic"!  Dr Palmer has written a book called Brain Energy which addresses brilliantly the importance of mitochondria in a most compassionate and passionate way.  

Poor nutrition, junk and over processed food and in many cases excess carbohydrates weakens mitochondria.  Environmental toxins like smoking, pollution, chemicals, alcohol, many drugs and pharmaceuticals also damage mitochondria.  And so does stress and trauma both emotional and physical.  It is no secret that trauma of any kind causes an immediate spike in blood sugar produced by the liver by a process called neoglucogenesis.  Prolonged stressors and trauma can contribute to hyperinsulinemia which causes insulin resistance, the precursor of all the above listed illnesses...and many more.  

Now about trauma.  I work with many clients who have endured unspeakable traumas.  What I usually see initially are metabolic disorders like obesity and addiction.  Once we do a rigorous history of family it becomes clear that without exception, trauma is the underlying comorbidity.  So this trauma must be dealt with.  The most common reaction to trauma is the effort to deny its existence or to push it away through aversion by saying,  "that is in the past and I shouldn't be affected by it anymore".....only compounding the deleterious effects of the original trauma especially in the case of complex post traumatic symptoms, meaning chronic repetitive traumas of childhood.  

Having suffered my own traumas of sexual molestation and corporal punishment as well as a sudden loss of my brother when I was 17,  I have done extensive work of my own, in this area.  I find that the most effective way to deal with trauma is to develop a relationship with it because it never really goes away.  It rears its head after triggers are activated and learning self soothing and compassion as well as acceptance of the prolonged effects of the trauma are crucial.  This relationship minimizes the stress caused by the PTSD and CPTSD, mollifying the negative influence on our mitochondria.  

We must remember always that the brain is a part of the body and both work together in both health and ill health.  They cannot be separated.  Watch Dr. Palmer explain:

So if you have experienced trauma or if you have chronic metabolic illness it is important to get help through nutritional guidance as well as stress reduction and trauma work.  If you are willing to take this deep and sometimes frightening dive into changing your life style and improving your overall health and longevity you will experience  a  promotion of happiness which is a profound healing force.  

Until next time, I am Happe to help.  

Call or text me: 775 230-1507 or email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

until then....

Michele