TRAUMA PART 2.....THE SUSCEPTIBLE

Trauma yields different reactions based on who receives it.  I had a client years ago who was nightly molested by her step father who suffered greatly with food issues, anxiety, and depression.  She was activated and disregulated perpetually.  She walked through life like a deer in the headlights.  Her step sister on the other hand was approached by the step father and she fought him and told him to "get the fuck out of her room"!.  She had no trauma reaction. He never approached her again.   She was a tough cookie and her sister was introverted and very sensitive.

So now a little about me.  I am a trauma survivor.  It started with my dad who was sexually inappropriate with me since I was 3.  His behavior was mostly covert.  I remember being in fear and loathing around him and literally clung to my mother.  When I was old enough to spend the night at a friends, I would always end up needing to call my mom because of extreme stomach upset.  In college I started having panic attacks and anxiety all the time.  I was a chubby kid and began lots of crazy dieting starting with diet pills....with my dad.  He always said we were cut from the same cloth.  I didn't realize how profound that statement was until my 60's when I realized I was on the autism spectrum.  At that time I realized he was too.  He was a brilliant materials engineer and accomplished trumpet player with many hobbies and special interests.  As I was saying before, when college started I became anorexic and self harming.  I lived with suicidal ideation which haunted me and terrified my boyfriend at the time who would hold my passenger door closed while driving when I threatened to jump out of our VW Bus. 

Through all of this trauma reaction I was a great student and found solace by going to school, learning and studying.  It was the greatest distraction.  While I was a student there I became a geology tutor where I got my thirst for teaching.  The lab was the place where I felt most comfortable. I was a very good geek!! I had my Masters in Psychology at 23 and got a gig student teaching at my own community college in my home town.   I taught at that community college for a few years and when the bottom dropped out in education in the 70's I started my own business in advertising, representing commercial artists.  I had realized I preferred self employment even though I know that job wasn't for me.  After being a drug and alcohol counselor intern I got hired as a director of an eating disorder unit at a mental hospital.  I loved the job of supervising counselors and doing educational outreach but I hated working in that environment.  I felt the place was a "snake pit". My anxiety blossomed and I walked off that job, applied for disability and got on Prozac which I called "club med".  That was when I started a private practice in the early 90's and where I continue to work with clients as a life style and recovery coach until the present.  Oh and by the way I got sober, dealt with my eating disorders, codependency and got into therapy.  No one ever diagnosed my Level 1 autism until I diagnosed myself in my 60's. 

My own case history reveals how trauma affects the susceptible.  My autism was my susceptibility and my gift.  Level 1 Autism is a remarkable tribe.  We are often introverted, highly sensitive, easily hurt and disregulated, highly intelligent and talented in many areas where we have special interests. Mine are currently digital painting and learning everything I can about metabolism and therapeutic ketosis.  My work is my social life.  This is true for many of us on the spectrum.  But not everyone with deep sensitivities are on the spectrum.  Some of us are just born with the tendency for fear and anxiety, and are more likely to be damaged by trauma.  Men and women might react differently, but both can fall victimized by trauma.  

The reason I suspect trauma damage is when I see the symptoms outlined in part 1.  Those symptoms are usually an attempt to deal with trauma damage.  In the language of autism, they are stimming attempts to help regulate the system whether it is throwing up a meal, cutting, or becoming a powerful politician who is dominated by the need for success, power and retribution.  The reactions to trauma are varied and complex, but treatment is generally the same.  I believe that we need to develop a compassionate relationship with our own trauma and learn helpful and healthy ways to re regulate ourselves when we are triggered into disregulation. 

In part 3 I will share more about treatment and share some case histories with you, so stay tuned.

Until then, be well

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507 

TRAUMA..Its effects and its manifestations part 1

Trauma doesn't go away, it morphs.  It can morph in both positive and negative ways.  Trauma affects different people in totally different ways.  Highly sensitive people are usually more profoundly affected than others but I will get into that later.  My way of helping people deal with trauma is to work on developing a relationship with it which can at first be very threatening and traumatic yielding tears or sometimes anger.  

A very common reaction to dealing with trauma without help and guidance is to attempt to bury it, hide it, lie about it, and overall try to forget about it.  What we know about these techniques is "what we resist persists". This is how trauma morphs into negative outcomes.  I'll list some of the ways these negative outcomes emerge.  Keep in mind that all of these outcomes are vain attempts to regulate oneself, but unfortunately only serve to disregualate in the end.  In other words, what originally "solves" the problem eventually becomes the problem.

Substance Abuse alcohol and drugs

Eating Disorders, anorexia, compulsive eating and purging of food.

Codependency, abandoning self in favor of others to our detriment.

Depression leading to isolation and a numbing effect

Anxiety causing further avoidance of triggers leading to isolation   

Narcissism seeing oneself as a victim and seeking retribution.

Sociopathy similar to Narcissim where retribution morphs into criminality by

    becoming an sexual abuser or rapist

    becoming a violent abuser

    becoming a murderer

    Borderline Personality Disorder where lack of a self base creates disregulated manipulating

        behavior which creates a come here go away dynamic.  

When I meet with a client we make a list of all the issues they are dealing with and want help with.  If I see any of the above I work with providing a safe and supportive environment where trust and therautic bonding can take place. Once I see that there is good rapport and respect I ask about trauma.  I think most of us experience trauma in our history.  Being trained in Drug and Alcohol Addiction and Eating Disorders very few clients are without any trauma.  When I account a client with anti social issues I help them define them which angers or irritates them causing them to quit working with me.  This is my intention because 1) I don't like to be conned and 2) counseling or coaching these types is generally not helpful to healing with is rare and usually only gives them better methods to con and hurt others who they generally see as objects and are only capable of transactional relationships. 

To be continued in. Part 2...The Susceptible

Be well

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com  775 230-1507

If you suffer from addictions of any kind and want to recover

Then follow these steps

1). Clean up your nutrition by reducing carbs, first sugar then grains then starchy vegetables. Reduce your carbs to 20 grams net and eat only whole real food. Eat moderate protein and replace carbs with healthy fats like animal fats olive oil and coconut oil. 

2). Begin an exercise program like walking, weight training, swimming biking or playing sports at least 3 times per week. 

3). Get adequate sleep shooting for 8 hours based on your own biorhythms.  Whether you are a night owl or a lark accepting these rhythms will enhance your sleep experience. 

4) Attend support meetings of your choosing. If you don’t like groups find a recovery coach, counselor or therapist. If you are dealing with previous trauma, make sure you find someone who is experienced in dealing with this. 

This may feel like a very tall order but it is worth it to create a long and healthy life without addictions..

Live as clean a life as possible and you will not only reverse your addiction but will feel and function better than ever. These steps also reverse many mental health conditions and metabolic health conditions like obesity and diabetes.

Be well,

Michele

775 230-1507

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

 

My Metabolic Mind page 

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AUTISM AND FOOD

As a very late diagnosed autistic woman myself and an expert in eating disorders I have been cogitating on the relationship between food and self regulation in autistic people.  As background I ran one of the first eating disorders in the country and am myself recovering from anorexia and compulsive overeating.  Parenthetically I am also sober for 45 years.  I became a metabolic coach a few years after learning about therapeutic ketosis for my metabolic health.  To my delight all the symptoms of my eating disorder resolved particularly when I adopted a carnivore zero carb eating regimen.  I like regimens because I am autistic and it fits so well with the way my brain works.  

I recently began working with a brilliant autistic woman who was in deep trauma from a very unhappy marriage.  She wanted support for her mental health and, particularly from her bulimia which I prefer to call vomiting behavior.  In autism it all starts with food preferences.  It is well known that due to our hyper sensitive nervous systems we gravitate to certain foods.  I wasn’t particularly picky as a child although my favorite breakfast was graham crackers crunched up in a bowl with chocolate sauce and milk.  My mother let me eat this.  I was always  a very ritualistic eater for instance eating around the core of a carrot to savor the sweet inner core as my ritual finale.  Speaking of carrots in my adolescent anorexic years I ate so many carrots that my skin turned orange.  

Autistics are all about attempts at self regulation.  We constantly are looking for ways to self soothe especially if we are high masking individuals who are attempting to fit into the neurotypical ways of our peers.  We have many food aversions which restrict our consumption around texture and taste.  Most of these self regulatory attempts are referred to as stimming.  Most of our stimming behaviors are healthy and to be encouraged as they do help us to self regulate.  Some of them however are harmful.  Eating disorders and other forms of addiction, cutting, etc. can lead to shame and blossom into depression, anxiety, OCD which only cause more pain and the need to self regulate which can lead to a disastrous feedback loop of pain, suffering and more metabolic illnesses down the line such as diabetes, heart disease, IBS, and cancer to name a few.  

I teach all my clients who are suffering from metabolic disorders including depression and anxiety to get into therapeutic ketosis which will ultimately enable them to focus on the other issues which lead to health such as regular exercise, good sleep, and particularly for those with autism, to set up your life which reduces stress, such as avoiding small talk, parties, noisy environments and most importantly unhappy stressful relationships.  Most of my relationships are with my immediate family who I live with who are also introverted and don’t give me grief for preferring to be alone in my sweet little safe room.  I have a few outside friends who get me and love me for my quirky self.  The remaining relationships I have are with my clients and my Buddhist sangha because I love my work and Buddhism and we engage in anything but small talk. 

If what I am sharing here makes you wonder if you might be on the Autism Spectrum or on your way to or have a metabolic illness do your research.  Learn more about those issues which plague your equanimity and balance.  And if you are so inclined to get professional health give me a call or find someone who is well versed in Autism and metabolic health who can support and guide you into a more fulfilling happy life. 

Be well

Michele: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com, 775 230-1507, Blue Sky, and Linkedin 

WHAT YOU MISSED WHEN I WAS ON THE NEWS JAN 31

GO TO:   https://www.kolotv.com/2024/12/31/dry-january-explained/?outputType=amp

I had a lovely 2 hour interview which had to be reduced to 1min 50 seconds....here is my addendum

If you want to take the month of January off from drinking first determine if you are a problem drinker by going to AA 20 questions and take the test.  It's a good valid test.  

Then if you are a heavy drinker, take 4-5 days to taper down to avoid seizures and. possible death.

You will feel like crap for a couple of weeks and a good way to minimize these symptoms is to eat only 1 ingredient food...which is real natural food.  Reduce carbs and increase good fat and protein.  This nutrition will reduce cravings.

Develop some kind of spiritual practice.

Keep a feeling journal and prepare and commit in that journal how your drinking will or will not continue for the next 11 months of 2025.  Take note of how you feel better after 2 weeks have passed.  

If you decide to keep drinking try to have at least 3 days per week with no drinks and keep your drinking to 1 or 2 when you do drink.

New research indicates that there are no healthy levels of drinking alcohol.  It degrades your mitochondria in your cells and contributes to the development of metabolic illnesses like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, dementia and the list goes on.  Just keep this in mind when you consider your future.

If you decide to stay sober get support from AA or other groups or professional help if your trauma has been triggered.

Do your best to continue to eat real low carb food with plenty of fat and protein.  You will lose weight if you need to will no longer have cravings and will heal Type 2 diabetes and other chronic conditions.  

So best of luck to you.  I hope you consider this a good start to the long process of living a healthy life one day at a time.  

Happe to help,

Michele

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

775 230-1507

 

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NARCISSISM AND CODEPENDENCY

 I have been seeing lots of posts on Facebook about people giving in to others who take advantage of them. Examples are loaning money that is not returned, doing favors for others that are not in the end, helpful, continuing toxic relationships because of guilt about being "cold hearted".

There is a dance in codependency that involves the intimate relationship between codependents and narcissistic types. To better understand codependency let me share my favorite codependent joke.

Two codependents have sex. In the afterglow one says to the other, "well it was good for you, how was it for me"?

Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. This is unhealthy.

Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self. They put themselves above all else. They use others toward their own ends and exploit relationships without feelings of guilt or remorse. They push blame off on others and are unable to see their own part in wrong doing.

It is easy to see how codependents and narcissists get hooked up. It is like two pieces of the puzzle coming together. One is the easy mark for the other. But there is a deeper connection.

It is found that there are familial links to this interaction. If you have one parent who is narcissistic you are likely to become either codependent or narcissistic yourself. If you have two narcissistic parents the same holds true.

Once a person begins to recover from codependency, they are able to begin setting boundaries and standing up to the narcissist. It is very difficult for all humans to conceive of someone who is totally bereft of the ability to empathize and learn from previous mistakes. The primary mistake the codependent makes is to give the benefit of the doubt to the narcissistic partner because it is so hard to fathom someone could be so selfish and unyielding. Thus the dynamic begins.

The good news for the codependent is that there is hope for recovery once they fully understand that the narcissist lacks that ability of compassion, which defines us as humans. Since codependents are quick to blame themselves for problems they are able to work well with a therapist to make changes. Not so for the narcissist. They are stuck in their own world of non blame and hence are pathological unable to change. How can one change if they are unable to see that there is anything wrong with them?

I highly recommend Codependents Anonymous for those who are attempting to free themselves for relationships that are toxic and abusive. It is a program full of specific guidelines for recovery from this type of harmful relationship. Go to http://www.coda.org/ for a plethora of information on the topic.

As far as help for the narcissist...hmmmm, well the best thing is to shake the dust off your feet and steer clear so they don't get a chance to use you. The only hope for the narcissist is that they develop addiction and can seek help for that where they might learn a different way to relate to the world. Alcoholics Anonymous is currently the best treatment modality for the narcissistic type...but chances for recovery are slim.

I’m Happe to help

Phone: 775 230-1507. Email:mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

I welcome your comments

WHAT ABOUT THOSE MEDICAL DOCTORS!

 One of the most frustrating things I have been experiencing since going ketogenic is dealing with my malinformed Primary MD who by the way I love dearly.  She really knows nothing about our tribe of people who utilize ketones rather than glucose for our energy on a cellular level.  The last time I went in for my yearly check up and labs which had been two years overdue, she was very alarmed by my LDL levels.  Little did she know that even for glucose burners lipids, particularly LDL are not a predictor or a risk for heart disease.  The primary risk for heart disease is Type 2 Diabetes and the primary cause of Type 2 is SUGAR!  

I explained the whole theory to her and even brought in studies for her to read.  She did remark how great my kidneys and thyroid were and that my HDL was high and my Triglycerides were low.  I did have a slightly high blood glucose(108) and A1C (5.9). I explained to her gluconeogenesis and the dawn effect where ketone burners have a surge of glucose from the liver to wake up the body for the days activities.  Even so, I decided to go strict carnivore with some dairy.  I also started testing my blood glucose before my last of my two meals a day and have never tested higher than the 90's since.  

I asked  her permission  to send her emails on Mychart with more info on this type of nutrition called keto.  She has thanked me kindly with everything I send her and I try to be sparing in my contact with her so as not to overwhelm her.  My sorrow for her is that she is probably 10 years younger than me (I'm 74) and she has just suffered from breast cancer and is obese and can barely walk.  I only wish she would give me a call and ask for my help.....

Doctors are indoctrinated and generally are so overworked and limited by insurance companies and crazy harmful guidlines  perpetrated by the pharmaceutical companies that they have adopted the old outmoded paradigm of medical care which is actually the cause of most if not all of our chronic disease.  

Something must change in order for the paradigm shift to occur.  I have received support from some of my MD's for my low carb diet and most of them are much younger than me.  This morning I just listened to a wonderful discussion between two forward thinking MD's, Dr. Ken Berry and Dr. Marty Makery who has written a book called Blind spots.  Dr. Berry has a book called Lies my Doctor told me.  

Lets give a listen to this wonderful informative interview from the doctor's mouths!

https://www.youtube.com/live/EqL6hi-CTFQ?si=KjZGGa8Od-eSPDs7

For some reason I cannot get the video to embed so just click on the link and it will take you to YouTube.  Its a good one...

Just know,

I am Happe to help

Call: 775 230-1507. email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Until next time