THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NARCISSISM AND CODEPENDENCY

 I have been seeing lots of posts on Facebook about people giving in to others who take advantage of them. Examples are loaning money that is not returned, doing favors for others that are not in the end, helpful, continuing toxic relationships because of guilt about being "cold hearted".

There is a dance in codependency that involves the intimate relationship between codependents and narcissistic types. To better understand codependency let me share my favorite codependent joke.

Two codependents have sex. In the afterglow one says to the other, "well it was good for you, how was it for me"?

Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. This is unhealthy.

Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self. They put themselves above all else. They use others toward their own ends and exploit relationships without feelings of guilt or remorse. They push blame off on others and are unable to see their own part in wrong doing.

It is easy to see how codependents and narcissists get hooked up. It is like two pieces of the puzzle coming together. One is the easy mark for the other. But there is a deeper connection.

It is found that there are familial links to this interaction. If you have one parent who is narcissistic you are likely to become either codependent or narcissistic yourself. If you have two narcissistic parents the same holds true.

Once a person begins to recover from codependency, they are able to begin setting boundaries and standing up to the narcissist. It is very difficult for all humans to conceive of someone who is totally bereft of the ability to empathize and learn from previous mistakes. The primary mistake the codependent makes is to give the benefit of the doubt to the narcissistic partner because it is so hard to fathom someone could be so selfish and unyielding. Thus the dynamic begins.

The good news for the codependent is that there is hope for recovery once they fully understand that the narcissist lacks that ability of compassion, which defines us as humans. Since codependents are quick to blame themselves for problems they are able to work well with a therapist to make changes. Not so for the narcissist. They are stuck in their own world of non blame and hence are pathological unable to change. How can one change if they are unable to see that there is anything wrong with them?

I highly recommend Codependents Anonymous for those who are attempting to free themselves for relationships that are toxic and abusive. It is a program full of specific guidelines for recovery from this type of harmful relationship. Go to http://www.coda.org/ for a plethora of information on the topic.

As far as help for the narcissist...hmmmm, well the best thing is to shake the dust off your feet and steer clear so they don't get a chance to use you. The only hope for the narcissist is that they develop addiction and can seek help for that where they might learn a different way to relate to the world. Alcoholics Anonymous is currently the best treatment modality for the narcissistic type...but chances for recovery are slim.

I’m Happe to help

Phone: 775 230-1507. Email:mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

I welcome your comments

WHAT ABOUT THOSE MEDICAL DOCTORS!

 One of the most frustrating things I have been experiencing since going ketogenic is dealing with my malinformed Primary MD who by the way I love dearly.  She really knows nothing about our tribe of people who utilize ketones rather than glucose for our energy on a cellular level.  The last time I went in for my yearly check up and labs which had been two years overdue, she was very alarmed by my LDL levels.  Little did she know that even for glucose burners lipids, particularly LDL are not a predictor or a risk for heart disease.  The primary risk for heart disease is Type 2 Diabetes and the primary cause of Type 2 is SUGAR!  

I explained the whole theory to her and even brought in studies for her to read.  She did remark how great my kidneys and thyroid were and that my HDL was high and my Triglycerides were low.  I did have a slightly high blood glucose(108) and A1C (5.9). I explained to her gluconeogenesis and the dawn effect where ketone burners have a surge of glucose from the liver to wake up the body for the days activities.  Even so, I decided to go strict carnivore with some dairy.  I also started testing my blood glucose before my last of my two meals a day and have never tested higher than the 90's since.  

I asked  her permission  to send her emails on Mychart with more info on this type of nutrition called keto.  She has thanked me kindly with everything I send her and I try to be sparing in my contact with her so as not to overwhelm her.  My sorrow for her is that she is probably 10 years younger than me (I'm 74) and she has just suffered from breast cancer and is obese and can barely walk.  I only wish she would give me a call and ask for my help.....

Doctors are indoctrinated and generally are so overworked and limited by insurance companies and crazy harmful guidlines  perpetrated by the pharmaceutical companies that they have adopted the old outmoded paradigm of medical care which is actually the cause of most if not all of our chronic disease.  

Something must change in order for the paradigm shift to occur.  I have received support from some of my MD's for my low carb diet and most of them are much younger than me.  This morning I just listened to a wonderful discussion between two forward thinking MD's, Dr. Ken Berry and Dr. Marty Makery who has written a book called Blind spots.  Dr. Berry has a book called Lies my Doctor told me.  

Lets give a listen to this wonderful informative interview from the doctor's mouths!

https://www.youtube.com/live/EqL6hi-CTFQ?si=KjZGGa8Od-eSPDs7

For some reason I cannot get the video to embed so just click on the link and it will take you to YouTube.  Its a good one...

Just know,

I am Happe to help

Call: 775 230-1507. email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Until next time

TRAUMA AND METABOLIC DISORDERS....

 It is clear from current research and scientific studies that there is a direct relationship between metabolic disorders and nutrition...but there is more.  In this post I will be talking about trauma, especially consistent repetitive childhood trauma which clearly affects the mental health of the adult as well as the physical health.  

What metabolic disorders do we see affected by trauma? I'll provide you with a list.

        Obesity

        Chemical dependency and addiction

        Depression and anxiety

        Personality disorders such as Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Dependent, and Depersonalization

        Heart disease

        Type 2 diabetes

        Irritable bowel disease

        Chronic fatigue and other autoimmune diseases

and more.  

The energy in every cell in our body depends on the mitochondria in each cell.  This is the powerhouse of each cell.  When the mitochondria is damaged, the cell is weakened and becomes dysfunctional, resulting in all of the above listed diseases and disorders.  Chris Palmer MD, a psychiatrist is another one of my heroes.  He was surprised to find that when one of his schizophrenic patients who was morbidly obese asked for a way to lose the excess weight, the ketogenic diet he recommended not only precipitated weight loss, but also took aways his hallucinations and delusions.  This was a patient who always rejected the diagnosis of schizophrenia before ketone adaptation.  After his weight loss and resolution of his schizophrenic symptoms, he remarked to the Dr. "you know I think I was schizophrenic"!  Dr Palmer has written a book called Brain Energy which addresses brilliantly the importance of mitochondria in a most compassionate and passionate way.  

Poor nutrition, junk and over processed food and in many cases excess carbohydrates weakens mitochondria.  Environmental toxins like smoking, pollution, chemicals, alcohol, many drugs and pharmaceuticals also damage mitochondria.  And so does stress and trauma both emotional and physical.  It is no secret that trauma of any kind causes an immediate spike in blood sugar produced by the liver by a process called neoglucogenesis.  Prolonged stressors and trauma can contribute to hyperinsulinemia which causes insulin resistance, the precursor of all the above listed illnesses...and many more.  

Now about trauma.  I work with many clients who have endured unspeakable traumas.  What I usually see initially are metabolic disorders like obesity and addiction.  Once we do a rigorous history of family it becomes clear that without exception, trauma is the underlying comorbidity.  So this trauma must be dealt with.  The most common reaction to trauma is the effort to deny its existence or to push it away through aversion by saying,  "that is in the past and I shouldn't be affected by it anymore".....only compounding the deleterious effects of the original trauma especially in the case of complex post traumatic symptoms, meaning chronic repetitive traumas of childhood.  

Having suffered my own traumas of sexual molestation and corporal punishment as well as a sudden loss of my brother when I was 17,  I have done extensive work of my own, in this area.  I find that the most effective way to deal with trauma is to develop a relationship with it because it never really goes away.  It rears its head after triggers are activated and learning self soothing and compassion as well as acceptance of the prolonged effects of the trauma are crucial.  This relationship minimizes the stress caused by the PTSD and CPTSD, mollifying the negative influence on our mitochondria.  

We must remember always that the brain is a part of the body and both work together in both health and ill health.  They cannot be separated.  Watch Dr. Palmer explain:

So if you have experienced trauma or if you have chronic metabolic illness it is important to get help through nutritional guidance as well as stress reduction and trauma work.  If you are willing to take this deep and sometimes frightening dive into changing your life style and improving your overall health and longevity you will experience  a  promotion of happiness which is a profound healing force.  

Until next time, I am Happe to help.  

Call or text me: 775 230-1507 or email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

until then....

Michele

        

THE COW BURP MYTH....

For years we have been told that cow burps produce methane which is responsible for global warming so stop eating meat!.   The problem with this concept is that scientists are conflating methane with CO2 in error. CO2 is the primary cause of warming. I will make all this as simple and understandable as I can and I’ll post a very geeky video which explains this with citations.  OK here goes.

Methane is emitted from cow burps...methane has a life span of 10 years and then it is converted to CO2 and is stored in the ground.  CO2 is primarily released from industry like factories, cars, and other fossil fuel burners. This CO2 is released into the atmosphere and has a 1000 year life span.  If cow herds are maintained at current size climate stability is maintained.  Fossil fuel burners are continually feeding the atmosphere so the CO2 rises exponentially.  This takes me back to Al Gores lectures on fossil fuels and the climate.  

If there is an increase in cows then methane  help to increase global warming so we need to be very careful to prevent this.  To go a step further we can reduce the current effect of cow burps by covering lagoons on dairy farms and converting the entrapped methane to fuel that is more sustainable and ecologically healing rather than harming since this step will contribute to global cooling.

here is the very geeky video, trust me its really good.

I am an advocate of regenerative ranching rather than factory farming and ranching.  There are wonderful benefits.  They are:

    Improved soil health and fertility-using rotational grazing, cover crops and no tilling.

    Increased carbon sequestration- rotational grazing and cover crops bolster the soil's organic matter                which stores more carbon that is not released into the atmosphere.

    Reduced input costs-  by decreasing operating expenses, increasing efficiency and profits for the                       rancher.

    Boosting health through enhanced biodiversity-  rotational grazing contributes to balanced                         ecosystems and overall health of pastures, livestock and improved productivity.  This safeguards                 natural resources.  

    Opportunities for soil carbon farming.-Carbon credits can be traded increasing profit margins.

    Cattle welfare- utilizing sustainable ranching benefits cattle by giving them a more nutritious diet, less             disease and stress and a stable habitat giving consistent forage availability

                                        (http://maiagrazing.com)

Well there you go.  Now you are armed with the science that dispels the myth of cow burps!  The erroneous conflation of methane and CO2 seems to be enough to contribute to our mistrust of everything in the media.  The answer is do your own research or read blogs like this one and watch the videos on this subject  

Until then, 

I am Happe to help...call me: 775 230-1507 or email me: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Be well, 

Michele

BIG FOOD AND BIG PHARMA--They profit off our illness and why our nutrition guidelines are making us sick.

Follow the $$$$$$

Nina Teicholz is one of my hero's.  She is a journalist who has been studying our nutrition guidelines for years.  Obesity is a problem worldwide and even those countries like India where there is not as much obesity, Type 2 diabetes is endemic there.  Low and no carb eating is the fastest and most effective way to lose weight but it is consistantly touted as being unsustainable and should only be done short term.  When we look at those who have lost weight by burning ketones for fuel, most all of their other metabolic health markers improve.  Resolution of type 2 diabetes, crones, heart disease, cancer, migraine, schizophrenia and autism are just a few.  

In the US just over 50% of the population is obese and over 70% are overweight.  Obesity is linked to all of the above metabolic chronic diseases.  MD's have bought the propaganda that the best way to be healthy is plant based, low fat high carb....and stay away from meat!!  Politicians are even saying that plant based is better and only men go carnivore.  We know that 50% of carnivore followers are women.  

To understand how this can happen follow the money to find out how the USDA  (United States Dietary Association) is funded. Since the Nixon administration decided it would be a good idea to make our health care system profitable, corporations have infiltrated all aspects of our lives including Pharma, food, and medical.  Just look at this.  

I won't get into further detail about this but of course I will include Nina's update on the state for our national and global nutrition policies.  It is gobsmacking.  

This video is sobering but very important to contributing to the paradigm shift that is necessary for all of us to get healthy again.  

I am Happe to help.....775 230-1507.  email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

until next time be well and please subscribe and share…

INTESTINAL TROUBLES LIKE IBS, CROHN’S, CONSTIPATON etc and KETOSIS.....REALLY?

Yes really.  I tell my clients that I have a PhD in poop!  A few months after covid in October.2020 I was suffering from long covid.  I had superficial blood clots, neuropathy all over my body (remember I am in my 70's).  At the end of January I got constipated.  I had never had much trouble with this in the past so I didn't really know what to do.  It really hurt when I pushed.  After just four days of this I had a searing unbearable pain in my gut and rushed to the hospital.  I started throwing up and an X-ray confirmed my colon had perforated.  A few hours later I had a foot less colon in my body and a iliosomy bag hanging from my stomach.  I was suffering from mild sepsis and was weak and totally freaked out.  I was in the hospital for over a week and had the bag removed in reconnection surgery about 6 weeks later, then I had to have another surgery for numerous incisional hernias and treatments for small bowel obstructions.....it was a nightmare.  We all concluded this was an artifact of long Covid.  

I have every possible over the counter for constipation just in case and still pray every morning and am grateful for a successful poop.  I was recently watching an interview between Bret Schur MD and Nick Norwitz PhD about ketosis and his severe illness with Inflammatory Bowel Disease.  It was terrifying and enlightening.  He had tried everything and as he said he had no life in his early 20's.  He was worried that surgery was the next step and in order to avoid that he tried the ketogenic diet.  His symptoms improved, the bleeding stopped and eventually his disease was in total remission.  He is now getting his MD at Harvard and has his PhD in Cell Biology and Biochem.  (see video below).  

Since I am total carnivore now and was originally told I needed a low fiber diet, my intestine and colon are very happy.  If you have any intestinal issues I would heartily recommend the Keto/Carnivore diet and watch many issues as well as intestinal issues resolve.  So now without further ado let's watch Nick and Bret dive into this issue.  

• 
  

Amazing huh!

If you need any coaching for all things keto/carnivore give me a call, email or text. I can be reached at:

775 230-1507

mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

Until next time:   Be well

CANCERS RELATIONSHIP TO GLUCOSE

 In my September 24th blog post a made a list of some of the most prominent metabolic diseases that are responsive to nutrition.  My goal is to take each on and give you scientific information on how ketosis is beneficial and can cause remission of these diseases.  

The BIG C is the most feared and difficult diseases to cure.  Cancer is on the rise and is showing up in younger and younger populations.  The current method for treating most cancers are chemotherapy, immunotherapy agents and radiation in an attempt to kill those cells and tumors that are malignant.  Those medications are toxic and sometimes life threatening.  There is also the threat of recurrence of the disease.  Some groundbreaking research is being done by Thomas Seyfried PhD a professor of biology...management and Prevention of Cancer at Boston University.  He has published numerous papers and studies on how cancer cells react to glucose and glucagon as opposed to ketones.  

He has found that in order for a cancer cell to grow and multiply it needs both glucose and glucagon as its energy source...AND in the absence of glucose primarily and the inclusion of ketones the cancer cells shrivel up and die.  He has done experiments with animals (I now my heart breaks too) and clinical studies with humans and his results are really amazing.  I will include a link so you can watch an interview which explains in detail all the mechanisms involved.

In short he says that a very low carb or carnivore diet or even other types of diets which cause keto adaptation are a first step.  He also emphasized other life style interventions such as exercise, reducing stress, good sleep,  eliminating smoking, drinking alcohol on a regular basis, and avoiding environmental toxins.  He emphasizes that genetics are simply risk factors and that cancer is primarily a metabolic disfunction of the mitochondria in every cell of our body.  

Since I don't have a PhD in cell biology will post a wonderful and sometimes goofy interview with Thomas Seyfried and Dr. Ken Berry, a family physician who helps thousands heal using keto/carnivore nutrition.  

https://www.youtube.com/live/EN58tZ6dspA?si=RXWFgv4HGxotLQHb

I hope you learn from and enjoy this video.  I appreciate any comments or questions and please subscribe to my blog.

Until next time, 

Michele

ACTUALLY HOW BAD IS ALCOHOL FOR YOU

I have been sober since 1980...I have always been grateful for my sobriety because it has helped me clean up my act in so many other ways.  But now I discover that the dangers of consuming alcohol are so much more profound than I ever knew.  I will be posting a link to one of my hero's in the mental health and theraputic ketosis space, Dr.Chris Palmer, a psychiatrist at Harvard.  He is working with the most "hopeless" mental health disorders schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  Who knew ketones would be a profoundly helpful treatment to eliminate the heart breaking symptoms of these disorders.  

Back to alcohol.  What I have learned is that alcohol damages the mitochondria in every cell of our body.  Mitochondria are responsible for energy created in those cells.  This can even occur in what is considered healthy levels of drinking especially if you have a genetic predisposition for alcoholism.  The most profound damage happens first in the liver (we all know that) and second, to the brain!

Many believe that the brain gets its primary energy from glucose...but this is not true.  The majority of the world population are fueling their brains with glucose because of the over consumption of carbs.  What the brain actually prefers are ketones, a fatty acid, for fuel.  This is also true for the liver by the way.  The harmful byproducts of alcohol  sneak into the brain preferentially and at first make us feel better but ultimately damage the brains ability the receive the energy it needs to function.  Not only do ketones heal the brain and liver and so many other systems in the body like the heart, but they also heal and reverse the whole metabolism.  

Even moderate consistent amounts of alcohol can do damage to the brain, liver and even the gut promoting many types of cancer, demential and cirrhosis of the liver.  

This is a brief intro to a wonderful video with Dr. Chris Palmer.  If you want to be scared about you drinking please watch...he gives solutions to the problem at the end which are very hopeful indeed.  

Here is the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1UT-XKQFD0

I welcome your comments and please subscribe because I will be posting on a more regular basis and tell you friends and family to visit as well.  

Michele

775 230-1507.       mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

KETOSIS FOR WEIGHT LOSS....AND WAY BEYOND...

Lots of exciting things are happening in the scientific world  about ketosis.  Not only is ketosis good for weight loss it also successfully addresses and either minimizes or reverses:

    TYPE 2 DIABETES

    PCOS

    HEART DISEASE

    CANCER

    IRRITABLE BOWEL AND CRONES DISEASE

    ADHD

    ALZEIMERS 

    SCIZOPRENIA AND BIPOLAR DISORDER

    DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

    AUTISM SPECTRUM

    ALCOHOLISM

and the list goes on

I have been in some form of ketosis for many years.  This year I doubled down and became carnivore because I wasn't happy with an A1C of 5.9.  Within a week of the change I started seeing blood glucose consistently under 100!  There are so many benefits.  No more hangry, mood leveling out, I get to eat lots of butter and bacon (who doesn't love bacon), really good sleep, no more cravings for anything, and memory improvement (barring difficulty with nouns and names....Im 74 in October) and a stable weight for the first time in my life.

I have been working with clients as a recovery coach, a mindfulness coach and in the last year as a metabolic coach.  With gentle loving shoves, many of my clients have adopted the diet with wonderful results.  One is off 3 meds for diabetes.  Many have lost lots of weight and feel better.  Many report stable mood and less anxiety.  And all report a freedom for craving and addiction to carbs....because they have severely reduced carbs to under 20 total.  I spend hours each day researching all the best science around therapeutic ketosis.  It abounds and is fascinating and gives me a good foundation for helping others in my private practice.  It also helps the I ran one of the first eating disorder units in the country in the 1970's.  

I am on a mission.  It makes me so happy for my clients to get such great results just by changing what they put in their mouth.  I have started a text group for all of them and want to expand to others who are interested in healing their metabolism. If you are interested give me a call or text.  All my practice is video now so it doesn't matter where you are worldwide.  As a practicing Buddhist my commitment to kindness and non harm has enabled me to be of service with a small slice of the population in my endeavor to heal the world....

Until then...be well

Michele Happe MA

775 230-1507    email: mhappenow.happe@gmail.com

JUST HOW AGGRESSIVE ARE PASSIVE AGRESSIVES

 Very

Having lived with more than a few, the most glaring underlying issue for these people is CONTROL.  This means that they suffer from feelings of lack of control and weakness.  Before I go into the analysis let me share with you symptoms from the DSM 

Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include:

• Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority
• Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands
• Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude
• Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated

Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job. 

Basically the symptoms translate to being unable to be relational.  A passive aggressive man may seek out a strong caring woman who he can initially love bomb and eventually rebel against.  Rebellion and defensiveness define this type of person.  They seem very stubborn one moment and act completely acquiescent and apologetic the next.  How many times did I hear, I will never do that again.  The sad thing about the passive aggressive is that they never get a chance to truly know themselves.  They become a persona rather than a person.  As a psychiatrist friend told me, "the syrup drips from their fangs".  

For the person in relationship with a passive aggressive, the relationship will be defined by irritation, confusion and ultimately a feeling of being very unsafe.  I initially pointed out the issue, then I confronted, then I became furious, then I left.  There is an old book called "Passive Men Wild Women".  The attack is stealthy like leaving tasks unfinished or poorly done, "forgetting" in order to weasel out of taking responsibility, complaining with veiled threats like, "I just can't live this way" or "do you even love me"(what they mean is "I don't love you")

Living with a person like this is bad for your health and will make you feel angry and powerless over the relationship...when you feel this way it is time to go.